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AS IF Peaches Honeyblossom, Pixie Frou-Frou and Fifi Trixibelle were not enough of a cross to bear, Britain now numbers among its youth 6 Gandalfs, 39 Gazzas, 2 Supermen and 36 Arsenals of both sexes.
Children, it appears, are in growing danger from their parents of name abuse. Among the worst reported cases are Dre, Tupac, Jay-Z and Snoop. These unfortunates, when they grow up, may well wonder why they were named after a variety of transient rap stars.
A survey of British birth certificates over the past 22 years by findmypast.com, a family history website, indicates that the practice of naming children after pop, sporting or film stars, or even fictional characters, is alive and well. It is merely an updating of all those women who, having wept over Gone with the Wind in 1939, christened their sons Ashley and their daughters Scarlett.
Some names are more acceptable — and more common — than others. Since 1984 a total of 7,261 Kylies have been born in the UK, a tribute to the enduring appeal of Ms Minogue and one in the eye for her rival, Madonna, of whom there are only 288.
In the past five years the rise of the actress Keira Knightley has prompted 6,074 sets of parents to borrow her name for their offspring, while Britney Spears holds up well, giving her name to 1,611 little girls. More than 1,000 mothers who enjoyed the film Speed have named their sons after its star, Keanu Reeves. Somewhere in the country is a little boy whose parents were so enamoured of the works of J. K. Rowling that they named him Harry Potter.
Some names just do not catch on. There are only two girls registered as Apple, and one of them is the daughter of the actress Gwyneth Paltrow and the pop star Chris Martin.
One American golfer is such a hero that there are now 1,191 British boys named Tiger, and at least three boys have the first names David and Beckham.
Hero worship is perfectly understandable; what is less easy to fathom are the 29 sets of parents who named a child Gazza after Paul Gascoigne, the former football genius with an alcohol problem. Even stranger, if such a thing is possible, are those who named their offspring not after sporting stars but after the clothes they wear; there are two such children at large, one called Reebok and the other Adidas.
Sarah Malone, of findmypast.com, said yesterday: “It seems that many of us are happy to take hero worship to a whole new level, naming our children after the stars we admire. However, it would appear that the British sense of humour is alive and well with Gandalf, Harry Potter and Superman.”
It was all so much simpler in Elizabethan times, when three quarters of all Englishmen were named John, Thomas, William, Richard or Robert, and three quarters of all women were Elizabeth, Joan, Margaret, Anne, Alice, Agnes, Mary, Jane or Katherine.
According to the latest report from National Statistics, the most popular names for British newborn are Jack, Joshua and Thomas, and Jessica, Emily and Sophie.
All those Arsenals may be a bit of a surprise, but it was only a matter of time before the TV drama Footballers’ Wives made its mark. Freddy Eastwood, famous for his part in Southend United’s victory over Manchester United last week, has a daughter called Chardonnay.
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