IN A RECENT ARTICLE, I DESCRIBED A book as “magisterial”, and promptly received a text message from my most critical friend. “magisterial? u mean dull, no?” He was right. I had used the word to indicate that the book was long and scholarly, and to imply that I had read it all (which I had not). In reviewese, “magisterial” means lofty, and dreary.

The book world is rife with such euphemistic terms. They are not exactly clichés, although they work as hard and for as little recompense as any hardscrabble cliché. Instead, they form a sort of literary shorthand, an easy vernacular for reviewers and readers, and they are highly contagious. They crop up throughout literary journalism (although, obviously, not in the Times Books section) and then gather in herds, as puffs on the backs of paperbacks: “ searingly honest”; “penetrating insight”, “achingly funny”.

The Times Literary Supplement has a splendid informal list of hackneyed words and phrases to avoid like the plague. These include: “rich tapestry”, “consummate skill”, “peppered with” and “I defer to no one . . .”

Some words, such as “mellifluous” and “corruscating”, are seldom used outside book reviews; others, such as “insightful”, have been used so often that they mean nothing at all. But some have hidden meanings.

Here, then, is a brief glossary of literary euphemisms:

Mesmerising This word is traditionally deployed by the non-specialist reviewer to describe a specialist book, for example:

“Hawking’s A Brief History of Time is quite mesmerising.” It translates as: “I didn’t understand a word, but I’m not going to admit it because I need the money, and I’ve already sold the book.”

Edgy Any author under the age of 30, being reviewed by someone over 30, is likely to be described as edgy. The edginess factor will increase in proportion to whether the author is non-white, female and attractive, and the reviewer is white, male, and fat. Drugs, sex and racial conflict are also contributory factors. Edgy is also a synonym for glue-sniffing, necrophilia, lap-dancing and Michel Houellebecq.

Exquisite sensibility Gay.

Veiled sensibility Closet gay.

Shot through with mordant wit This phrase tends to be used by reviewers to describe books written by other reviewers. It means:

“Extremely nasty, but I don’t want this bastard to work me over next.”

These are minor quibbles (mere cavils) . . . This is a favourite of the weedier academic reviewers. It usually crops up towards the end of the review, when the reviewer has suddenly realised that he may have put the boot in too hard at the start, and feels guilty.

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