Men are from Earth; Women are from Earth.

The Mars / Venus gub was pulled from Uranus.

Max, Plymouth, WI

It just may be that like so many other theories emanating from popular psychology, the Mars/Venus dichotomy can be explained by culture, rather than by biology. Otherwise, why would so many dispute D.C.'s findings by saying, "I just know that the Mars/Venus thing rings true in my own experience"?

Gary Smith, Maryville, TN

I deplore ALL social science researchers (and science ones) for not stating whatsover what they WANT to want. Readers, too. Whether difference between men and women are small or strong--what do you wish to be the case? Is similarity your preferenc or is difference your preference.

Laurence Alter, Long Beach, California, U.S.A.

Men go in for team sports because they are stylized hunts and war games. Shopping is gathering.

CD, Houston, TX

I once tried to read the Mars/Venus book and I found it smarmy. Metaphor may be useful, but to suggest that our communication difficulties are intrinsic to our gender, serves to heighten frustration and worse,absolves many individuals from making the necessary effort to observe, listen and connect with each other. It's not just male/female dysfunction but human dysfunction. Our culture encourages a label for babel and it sells because we love an excuse/explanation for the confusion of life.

Jane, Sycamore , USA

I agree, men are much more sensitive than women. There are no more sensitive women. They all died in ancient caves when men
captured women and only the more practical survived. After all who is more likely to avoid a fatal knock on the head with a club?
The sensitive gal who mourns the loss of her previous companion and life or the more practical lass who says, "Well, Oog was very nice but Grog here has a nice warm cave with plenty of furs and enough to eat so I may as well make the best of a bad situation". It is her genes that dominate the make-up of modern women. How often do you hear of a woman harassing a man after a break-up compared to all those men who have violent fits of temper when abandoned?
Women have th genes which impel them to make the best of it
and to look for another mate rather than bemoan the loss of the last one. We men brought this upon ourselves when we
killed all the sensitive women ages ago.

Patrick MacKinnon, Victoria BC,

Kurt in Harrisburg, PA: I think you're right.
D.C. Banker

D. C. Banker, Port Townsend, WA

It just seems like peole never get it. Their idea that, "Well, gee, I see it every day in my life, so it must be universally true" just tells me that they haven't examined their lives very deeply. The whole point of "purported, no-frills empirical findings" is that they overcome individual bias. If you believe something is true, you will look at every event, idea, etc. that you encounter in the day as "proof" that it is true because that is how you view the world. That's just how our mind works. It used to be that people insisted that sport is cathartic to aggression. This is no longer believed to be true because it has been shown time and again to not only be false, but to work in the opposite way (i.e., sport tends to increase aggression). Come on people, get a clue!

Jennifer, Des Moines, Iowa

I don't know anyone who appreciates being lumped in with one group or another. What really is the point of stereotyping or of labelling? It's all the "us" and "them" mentality. If you automatically start with the premise that an individual is this way or that, you will see the evidence, if that's what you're looking for. "Brainiacs", "divas", "shopoholics", "jocks", "Barbie Dolls", "lounge lizards", "geeks"....etc. Enough with the branding. It's bad enough we wear labels and buy lifestyles.
Male and female are pretty basic groupings. Let's leave it at that.

Dianne, Oakland, CA

I just know that the Mars/Venus thing rings true in my own experience.

to D.C. Banker: I don't believe it's that "men and women just can't communicate" so much as that they often DON'T communicate.

kurt, harrisburg, PA

The Mars/Venus formulation is accepted because it's a cop-out, D.C., not because it's true. Its easier to see stereotypes and conform to them, conciously or not, than it is to accept any blame for one's personal failings. Failures of communication usually arise from failures of communicators, but nobody seems to want to take responsibility for that. If my comment fails to make my point clearly, it's either my fault, or it's yours. But it's not because I come from Mars - I come from a far worse place, that being Florida.

Jack Kasady, Reno,

Never ceases to amaze me how many academic experts flaunt their purported no-frills, empirical findings in the face of what most people can instantly recognize as valid patterns of communication between the sexes. The Mars-Venus dialectic resonates with people not because it's facile hocus-pocus cooked up by a New Age guru, but because it has been recognized by both men and women as an accurate tool for dissecting how the sexes do communicate, based on every day experience!

David Navarrete, Fairfield, USA, Iowa

My experience is that there are a few people to whom it is tremendously important to be (seen as) super-macho butch or hyper-frilly feminine - and then there are the rest of us, who are "just folks", but get pushed into these roles by gender-obsessed busybodies. Talking to a man is, on average, no easier or more difficult than talking to a woman, and, as Burroughs said, maybe ALL communication is interspecies.

Ford, Sydney,

Go ahead and pretend that Mars/Venus is incorrect. I see that it is correct every day. Maybe not every sentence and subclause, but as a whole. Whatever your findings may be. Women, as a rule, do not understand male behavior and norms. I am sure there are exceptions, but whatever. Not being a man, you probably do not understand this. I will give an example. On the Yankees radio network there is a broadcast team of two men and one woman. The woman complained that Cleveland's scoreboard operators were razzing Alex Rodrigues by pointing out that he was 0 for the last umpteen at bats in the playoffs and it wasn't fair. My first thought was that A Rod needs to get a couple of hits and they would stop it. Sure enough, the two male sportscasters make the same point I was thinking.

Pretending sex differences are not real holds back women in business. If a female executive made the effort to learn male norms, she would do herself a great favor. Ignore them, be branded a 'rhymes with witch.'

Johnny Cheeseman, Rochester, New York

DL, I don't know where you get the idea you speak for "people," but you sure don't speak for me, as I don't see the Mars/Venus nonsense as accurate in any of my experience, everyday or otherwise. To the contrary, the consensus I've gleaned about this supposed dichotomy is that's it's so facile as to be completely meaningless, and that's the most charitable view. The less charitable view, and the one that does track to my experience, it that it's often harmful to relations both between and among the sexes because it encourages pre-conceived (and frequently false) notions about how men and women are "supposed to" communicate.

LH, New York, NY

In response to DL from Greenwood, USA, I doubt if the Mars/Venus formulation finds favour because it's a reflection of everyday experience. It's more likely to be a lazy approach to the complex issues of gender identity and behaviours in a changing world. While Cameron's realistic take on 'the way we were' re the division of work at home along gender lines is accurate, women now, as then, bear the overwhelming burden of childcare and housework. While these crucial tasks might be "up for negotiation", research shows men still don't shoulder their proportionate share. Mars/Venus thinking just entrenches rather than liberates thinking about inequalities.

Wendy Cater, Perth, Australia

The Mars vs. Venus baggage is a simplistic "theory" (or better myth) and if Deborah Cameron can help debunk, then good for her. But the truth remains that interpersonal communications need to be addressed and improved in any way we can. Just saying "we can't communicate and we don't know why!" Sometimes myths and "just-so" stories help motivate individuals to make organized efforts to improve communication and hence, understanding. Not to say they should be taken as true, but as sometimes useful aids, when the truth is too murky and unclear to formulate clearly. In a manner analogous to how aspirin was used for decades before anyone knew why it helped.

Jamie L, Leamington/Ontario, Canada

I'm getting the book too! As an educator, I've tried to denounce these Martian-Venusian stereotypes, and as a woman, I've known the "chatty chads" and the "strong silent sarahs." These books make us "comfortable" with a status quo (one especially unfavorable toward women) that ultimately hurts both sexes.

pam, sacramento, CA

Cameron's contradictory instances are just exceptions that prove the rule. The Mars/Venus formulation is so widely accepted because people see in it a reasonably accurate reflection of their everyday experience.

DL, Greenwood, USA/Indiana

Thanks. I will purchase this book. I'm so sick of all the crap that says men and women just can't communicate; crap that locks us in stereotypes; crap that tells us we can't get the daily work done without an argument about who's job it is; and the crap that degrades anything that smacks of domesticity. My parents didn't argue about who did what, nor did my husband and I. But, unfortunately, he died young, and now I'm back in the the "dating game" which has me astounded by all the petty rivalry born of "self-help" books and competitive insecurity. Books that vilify men further oppress all of us. Books that marginalize women as "Chatty Kathies" further oppress all of us.

D. C. Banker, Port Townsend, WA

All right, this one's on my hunt-down list. I realy hope Cameron blows apart the bit about women being interested in people, men in things/facts. How come, then, men play team sports and women go shopping? The most "thing-oriented" person I know is a woman. Smart, too.
Thanks for the head-up.

KM, Renton,

Men like bars and have a penis. 'Nuff said.

Don Elote, Chicago, Illinois