Reviewed by Hardeep Singh Kohli
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IN THE acknowledgements in the back of Sathnam Sanghera's literary debut the author thanks his editor Mary Mount for convincing him that “books aren't always written by other people”. I would like to thank Mary, too, for she encouraged Sanghera to give us a fascinating and timely book.
But while I offer generous praise to the editor and to Sanghera himself for the candour, the honesty and, ultimately, the bravery of his work, I would also like to condemn him for managing to ruin any chance I had of writing a similarly sweet memoir of my Punjabi life as I grew up in the Seventies.
If You Don't Know Me By Now is actually two books in one - both a beautifully poignant memoir of the child of a working-class Punjabi immigrant family growing up in the Sikh ghetto in Wolverhampton and the troubling and depressing story of a child living in a family paralysed by schizophrenia.
Both stories are at once gripping and entertaining, horrifying and tender. My only issue with the book is whether they belong intertwined around the same narrative.
As a child of 1969 myself, coming from a family of Punjabi immigrants to Britain, I might be forgiven for thinking that every beat, every detail, every anecdote of Sanghera's life in the Black Country would have chimed completely, intersecting with my own Glaswegian upbringing. There are two crucial differences in our backgrounds. First, he grew up in an uneducated family whereas my experiences were those of the educated lower-middle classes: never before would I have thought such a subtle distinction could have led to such starkly different childhoods. Secondly - and in many ways more crucially - unlike Sathnam Sanghera I did not know every Wham and/or George Michael lyric by heart.
It wasn't until his mid-twenties that Sanghera realised his father was a paranoid schizophrenic and that his eldest sister shared the condition. The book is his journey as he attempts to discover the truth about his father's illness and to understand the life that his mother has led.
It is at times a harrowing story of domestic violence, irrational and repetitive behaviour and a wasted, damaged life. And since Sanghera's father is still a schizophrenic the journey has a certain incompleteness, a lack of closure. The bravery with which the author relates events that most other families would seek to hide means that his book throbs with honesty, frustration and pathos. And insight: deep, poignant insight that exposes all those things we take for granted as we grow up that were so different for the author.
Intermingled with this quest is the story of a Sikh kid growing up in Wolverhampton, among the most densely populated Sikh community in the UK. This, too, is a gripping yarn full of insights into the second-generation experience. Even as an eight-year-old, Sanghera had never visited a cinema, used a telephone or had a white friend. Then there was the stomach-churning visit to the barber to have his top-knot dealt with.
These childhood adventures grow and develop into adult adventures, for example having to conceal his cohabitation with Laura, his white girlfriend.
Both aspects of this book are worthy of reading but I'm not sure that in combining them they are stronger than the sum of the parts. The reminiscence is so delightful, insightful and charming that it seems to collide unfavourably on occasion with the violence of his father's condition. And at the end of the book I felt I wanted to know more about how Mr Jagjit Singh Sanghera felt and thought and ultimately how he continues to live.
This reservation aside, it is clear that the literary world should welcome a truthful and honest voice that comes from a new generation of very British writers who happen to have had Indian parents. I just wish I had got there first ...
If You Don't Know Me By Now: A Memoir of Love, Secrets and Lies in
Wolverhampton by Sathnam Sanghera
Viking, £16.99, 336pp

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hi satnam i read your book it was really good that i could not put it down, it was so well written, it is a such coindence because our family also lived in the same street, all the things you mentioned in the book the shop on the corner, Mrs Burgess, the Gudwara, where we also spent most of our sundays, i also went to wooden school for a few years before we moved. I agree with you that you should marry some one that you love and not one that your parents choose, as you are the one who has to live with them day in and day out.
sophie, london, England
Hi Satnam, its Ladi, Inderjit's cousin from good old gravesend! Hope you have been keeping well. Well what can i say........ i have read the extracts and I can't wait to read your book..... and of course, I have already placed the order.
Will give you a update once i have read it, however sounds very interesting so far. Its an achievement what you have done as young british asian and i (and family) are very proud. Wishing you all the best for the future, as you most defiantly deserve it. Take care and hope to see you soon.
Ladi Tiwana, Gravesend Kent, UK
I am an Asian in psychiatry, and am very glad that Sanghera tackled two challenging subjects- that of being a non-European in contemporary Britain, and also of close family with mental illness.
There are a couple of points to raise with Hardeep:
1. People are not schizophrenic- they are individuals who happen to have a condition called schizophrenia. This is important as identifying a person exclusively in terms of their condition strips away their humanity, which, by the excerpts that Iâve read of the book, Sanghera was keen to preserve. By regarding the person as having a condition as opposed to âbeing schizophrenicâ, it betters allow us to treat that individual as any other and not consign them to a particular destiny.
2. Having the charming juxtaposed with the violence describes life's vagaries very well indeed!
Prem, Edinburgh,
Dear Sathnam,
what a hard decision for you ...but stick to your heart , your mother will come around to your way fo thinking in time , can you imagine married to some one who you didnt love to sleep and live with everyday....It must be hell, anyway if it does not work out you can take your mothers advice next time. I married into a very hindu family at the age of 20 from an Irish catholic family and although our backgrounds were different , we all had good family values ,and I had a wonderful family for 22 years, when sadely he died.My mother
who was 85, said to me next time if you marry ,please marry a catholic .So people of your mothers generation find it hard to axcept change
good luck
h,bradlow, london, united kindom