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There is a Hamburger Hamlet, one of a chain of casual diners, on Hollywood
Boulevard across from Mann's Chinese Theatre. It is 10 o'clock on a Friday
night and I am waiting outside. This is one of the few pedestrian
neighbourhoods in Los Angeles, and the well-lit pavements are packed with
tourists from middle America, who pause in front of the lingerie store
Frederick's of Hollywood window display, while hookers in platforms and pink
feather boas teeter along. The scene is very noir. Tarantino has chosen this
spot and he appears on time. He is tall, with a cheerful presence and
palpable warmth. He opens the door and, as we head inside, explains that
he's been editing all day. He tells me he wanted to go home afterwards, have
a bite to eat, take a nap, and he appreciates me meeting him at this hour.
"Hey, do you think we could get a booth in the bar area?" he asks. I
nod. There is something immensely likable about someone who knows they will
get what they want, yet still seems unsure if they're allowed to ask for it.
Tarantino is a man who recognises people are in awe of him but still seems
amused and in awe of the fact that he is a man people are in awe of. It is
his charm. A unique combination of geeky and swashbuckling: as if Beavis and
Butt-Head had met Errol Flynn.
We sit in a darkened vinyl booth in the bar area. He is wearing jogging
bottoms, trainers and a black T-shirt with red lettering that reads "Battle
Royale" – a film series by the late, great Japanese director Kinji
Fukasaku, where high-school students kill one another off. The crowd could
be the audience at a Jerry Springer show. I am concerned about the noise
level. But I soon relinquish that concern when Tarantino begins speaking. He
is voluble, uninhibited, and the decibel of his voice, like the decibel of
his vision, is turned way up.
"The success thing happened in stages. But the thing is, it was, like, a
really cool cult success – there were a whole lot of film-makers who were,
like, wow, cool, I could do this. Like starting a garage band. They were
selling me as a director and I was in a place where I could enjoy being a
cult success. But then it opened in England – awright? And it was the No 1
movie in London. And after Reservoir Dogs opened, every British stand-up
comedian had to have a Reservoir Dogs stand-up routine – awright? It was,
like, the thing for the political cartoons to reference it."
Reservoir Dogs did so well on its opening weekend in London that Tarantino
was brought here to do regional press. He went to Liverpool, Manchester and
Edinburgh, and that's when, for the first time in his life, he felt a shift;
things began to feel different. "When I started walking around
Piccadilly Circus like I've always done, I would zone out – going to record
stores or whatever. And I'm walking around there, and all of a sudden I
realised the difference between being a cult success and having the No 1
movie in London. I'd been on the chat shows – they all knew who I was. And
there was also this aspect which was that I was a video-store clerk and then
I made a movie. They still have a class system there and were like, 'F***,
we wouldn't let anybody do that here and we're kind of f***ed up because of
it.' I would walk into a video store and hear, 'You're a hero here, mate!'
So it was really different. Really good different!"
Life was better than he ever imagined it could be, but there were changes.
Everyone became a homeless person – he was afraid to make eye contact. It
was an adjustment. "It was like, oh, okay, if I want to walk down the
street spaced out – do it before nine o'clock. That's how I looked at it.
Maybe it's not such a good idea to walk down Santa Monica Boulevard crying
your eyes out over a broken relationship. Maybe you shouldn't do that now!"
He reaches out across the table and taps my arm. "You can have a broken
heart and walk around Times Square and cry it out and get it out of your
f***ing system if you want. You might not want to do that, but you can."
Tarantino was born in 1963 in Knoxville, Tennessee. His mother was a
16-year-old nursing student, his father a 21-year-old aspiring actor. He was
raised by his mother in Los Angeles, and as an only child with a precocious
outlook he developed an early bond with cinema and TV – the movies were his
friends, the TV family his own. "I've always attributed it to being an
only child, because I am a loner. When I'm with people I'm giving and I'm
giving and I'm giving and I'm giving – awright? Until all of a sudden,
there's nothing to give and I shut down. If you think about it, the great
thing about being an only child is you're not a pussy about being alone. You
get way good with your own company. There are definitely traps with that
too, but I think if it had to be one way or the other, being comfortable
with your own company is the way to be."
He says that when friends would come over, because he was starving for
companionship, he was so happy that they were there that he would give his
all. "But then, when they left, I really didn't want them to leave. You
know? It was always just a little bit sadder when they left because you
would be by yourself again. But then there were times when you were done and
it was like, 'Okay, you can go now.' My first girlfriend explained this to
me in a really beautiful way. She said, 'The difference is, when you grow up
with siblings, you learn how to be alone amongst other people. You've never
learnt that. You give and you give and then all of a sudden you run out of
sh** to give, and then at that point, when that happens, just my physical
presence is oppressive to you.'"
Yet as a director he is forced to be around other people, so it is an
interesting metaphor: the director as only child on the set. It's his world
and everyone has to be perfect in it. He is nodding now. His head is bobbing
up and down as he chews on a mouthful of chips. "It's like a family,
but you're the father. But it's lonely being the father, because you're by
yourself with the responsibility at the end of the day." And when he
needs a little alone time? "I go to the bathroom a lot. I've done that
ever since I was 14. It's the one place I can go to for about 5 or 10
minutes and be by myself and think my own thoughts for a second – get out of
the hubbub, then go back in and feel good. It's like taking a nap. People
probably think I have this really weak bladder or something. But it's like a
time-out."
Just then a couple approach and ask for his autograph. He signs the napkin
and hands it back. "Here you go, Chris. I appreciate it!"
Voluntarily, he jumps out of the booth for a photo, embracing Chris's
girlfriend for posterity – knowing he has now become a part of their "Hollywood
experience". Like an only child who identifies with other only
children, Tarantino identifies with his fans. He dropped out of school at 16
and began to learn about the world through film – working as an usher in an
adult-movie theatre and finally landing his now infamous job at Video
Archives in Manhattan Beach, where he could watch movies free every day
while plotting his destiny.
"The most a person can ever be is interesting. I think it's the greatest
thing in the world to be. Interesting at anything is a better combination
than most. But I really love the little relationships where I don't really
know this guy or this girl but they seem really interesting and if we hang
out, I bet we'd become best friends. It's good to have the possibility –
other friends out there in the world – so you know there's more to know."
He hangs out with a core group of people for certain periods of time. "I've
been in this strange bubble since I started writing Kill Bill. It's made me
pull away from a lot of people, just to do the hard work of writing."
Because he was writing with Uma Thurman in mind, he moved to New York and
began hanging out with her again, getting to know her. "But I also knew
I had to write Kill Bill in New York. And that's what I did for a year and
half. Just write the script and watch kung-fu movies every single, solitary
day."
He's not big on schedules, preferring instead to be guided by instinct. But
in New York he wrote every day. There was a routine. He'd get up in the
morning and poke around the apartment until it was time to get some coffee. "That
was my job. To go to a Starbucks or some other place and kick back. And, uh,
if I felt like writing I would start writing." He writes everything by
hand into a notebook. At a certain point he would tire of the environment,
so he would get up and walk around – until he found another place. Then get
up from there, walk around until he had enough, and then he would go home
and watch movies.
When he was done with the notebooks, he took an old 1987 Smith Corona word
processor – the same one he typed Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction on – and
since he can't type, he used one index finger to get it done. He then gave
those pages to a typist who would type them up properly. "It's such a
pain in the ass to do it. I have to print it out after every single page.
But then I also feel accomplishment after every page! Because up until then
it's been like [the serial killer] Richard Ramirez's diaries."
Seconds later he subsides, as though a tornado has just passed by. "But
um, also, because it's such a pain in the ass, it's like, this better be
f***ing Shakespeare or I'm cutting this sh** out. It better all be f***ing
gold if I'm gonna type it with one f***ing finger!"
He never gets writer's block. "My best sh** – I don't know how much I
did – I just left myself open to it." Once he doesn't know where
to go, or runs out of ideas, he accepts it. "I'll just say, 'Okay, I'm
through for today.'"
It has been a while since we have heard from Tarantino. The third movie he
directed, Jackie Brown, was released in 1997, and since then people have
wondered: where has he been? What has he been doing? There have been chinese
whispers: alcohol? Drugs? Pothead! Partier! He was burnt out; he was lazy;
there was too much too soon and he was unable to sustain it; it was all
hype. But the story is, he has been writing. A little acting too. But for
the most part, writing. He wanted to write something original because Jackie
Brown was an adaptation and, he says, "the director got a workout".
And then, with the play he was in (a Broadway revival of Wait until Dark in
1998), "the actor got a workout". He felt it was time for the
writer.
He worked on a few things – a family comedy, for instance – but decided they
weren't ready, and then he had his second-world-war idea, which he worked on
for three years. "It turned into a whole Norman Mailer-style opus."
He did a lot of research. "It was some of the best stuff I've ever
written, but it was becoming this novel that wouldn't end." He says
that he had to make another movie to realise how to tame it. "So Kill
Bill was gonna be the movie I did before I did my epic. Cut to a year and a
half later and I'm still writing it and people were like, 'Okay, if this
ain't the epic, I'm f***ing scared for the epic! I'm afraid for your epic if
this ain't it!'" He laughs.
It was during the time that he was working on the war project that he bumped
into Uma Thurman at a party. He hadn't seen her since Pulp Fiction, when he
had told her about Kill Bill, that he had written 30 pages. At this party
she asked about it. He went home that night, looked up those pages, read
them again and thought: "F*** it, man. I'm just gonna do this now."
Tarantino was 31 when Pulp Fiction opened and won the Palme d'Or in 1994. Its
critical and commercial success blurred the line between mainstream and
independent cinema. It was nominated for seven Academy Awards (Tarantino
won, along with his then collaborator Roger Avary, for best screenplay) and
it gave Miramax, the studio behind it, a lot of clout. Because of this, even
more so than Reservoir Dogs in 1992, Harvey Weinstein, the president of
Miramax, anointed Tarantino as his favoured child. His widely reported
quote, "Miramax is the house that Tarantino built," is surprising
not just for its honesty, but because Weinstein is not known for his
generosity in indulging a director's cut. With Kill Bill, it was Weinstein's
idea to have it released in two parts, beginning with Volume One, released
in October.
What compels Tarantino to write? Suddenly the motions – the chewing, the
sipping, the hand gestures, the fidgeting, the fluttering – stop. He takes a
breath. He is thinking.
"God. Wow. What compels a comedian to be funny? I don't know. 'Compels'
is such a powerful word. I guess, when it comes to... things you do
extremely well for no reason whatsoever – and it's kind of easy for you, so
you know you do it better than a lot of other people?" He is
unravelling the thought as he speaks. "It's what I do. I don't know if
'compelled' is the right word."
"I feel to some degree that when I get my characters talking to each
other, I'm just like a court reporter. I'm just writing it down. It's like
I'm not doing it. I don't understand my part in the process." He
pauses. "Other than trusting it."
This instinct to trust is everything. Like a novelist trusting the muse,
Tarantino is the artist as opposed to the technician when it comes to
screenplays. And what distinguishes him is that he writes with authority. A
reverence for words and the rhythms of language. It's not the words he uses
(they are not "highfalutin", as he might put it) but the way he
strings sentences together into a symphony of dialogue. So while others make
it pretty, he makes it sing. Whereas others follow a formula, he follows the
muse.
Has he always trusted himself in this way? He answers immediately, with
matter-of-fact confidence. "I always liked my writing. If I was a
carpenter and I knew I could make a really cool birdhouse, and then as soon
as I was finished with it I could show it to everyone else and they could
see what a really cool birdhouse it was. I mean, why not? I've never
understood... but all these people, when I was writing screenplays, would
talk about their work and how much they don't like it and I would always
kind of admire them a little bit because I was like, 'How do you ever get
anything done?' It's so hard to finish that the only reason I can do it is
because I know I'm good and I can't wait for the world to see I'm good at
it. It's like I have the best-kept secret on the planet right now and soon
everyone will get to hear it."
Is he saying he's not insecure? "When I write a good piece of work, I
know it. I'm ridiculously vain when it comes to my writing. One of the
things that gets me through a really big-deal scene is that as soon as I
finish with it, I'm gonna call a friend of mine and read it to them. I mean,
I might as well be masturbating when I call them up, awright? I say, 'Can I
just read this to you?' and they're like, 'Yeah, sure,' and I don't really
want them to tell me what's right or what's wrong – I've already read it
about 12 times while I'm pacing around my apartment or my house. I want to
read it to them so now, as I listen to it, I'll be listening to it through
their ears. They don't need to comment! I can hear all the sour notes for
them. I'm using their presence."
Most people would never admit to this, but most people don't have the
self-awareness he has about the narcissism of writing. This is not arrogance
so much as an acceptance of what is. He acknowledges he is a good writer the
way someone else might acknowledge that they're caucasian, or short.
He continues: "If you think about it, bringing someone to see a movie,
you get to enjoy it even more because you're seeing it through their
eyes.You're seeing it fresh all over again. But it works the other way too.
When you bring a friend that you think is going to like a movie and they
don't like it? You wince all the way through because you're knowing all the
things they're not liking. In no other art form – whether it's with lovers
or husbands and wives or friends – do you find a more common glue than
movies. People can spend every day together and like different types of
music. You could say that about literature too. Nobody has to like the same
painting. But when a movie becomes special to you – when you really love it
– you take on an ownership. With movies, when you're affected, it's yours.
"If you think someone is smart and you show them a movie that requires a
little bit of work but has a tremendous amount of reward and they don't get
it, you can never think about them with the intelligence you thought about
them before. You can't. For someone to not understand why you responded to a
movie that means something to you, is like for them not to understand you."
Tarantino lives to defend the movie everyone hates. "My purpose in life
is to go see that movie and say, 'F*** you all. This movie is good, and I'll
tell you why!'" When asked for a movie that comes to mind, he lights
up, like a schoolboy who's just got an A in his exam. In the past five
years, the movie he has championed most is Gus Van Sant's remake of Psycho. "I
thought that was the ballsiest movie of the year – maybe one of the greatest
experiments in the history of cinema. It inspired me in a way no movie has
before."
The momentum is building and it seems that no matter what else is going on –
the world could be ending – it would be rendered irrelevant."Even
the people in the f***ing car with me didn't get it," he recalls. "I
remember driving with my girlfriend at the time, and a buddy of mine and his
girlfriend, and they were like, 'I wonder why he wanted to do that?' And
then someone said, 'Well, I guess it's a film he grew up watching.' And I
was like, 'No. I don't think that. I don't think that at all. In fact, I got
no indication from this movie at all that he even liked the original. He was
doing an experiment on a far deeper level.'"
He is all fired up now. "Look, shut me up in 10 minutes and I'll tell
you what I like about it, okay? You got a watch?" His energy and
enthusiasm are gripping – they pull you in – and his passion for making a
point, his commitment, defines who he is. When he sees something that you
don't, he longs for you to see it his way. But this desire is not about
being right: it is about conveying.
"What I thought was really cool was, everyone is making a big deal
because everyone treats Hitchcock like he's the Buddha of f***ing cinema. I
mean, he may look like Buddha, but he ain't Buddha, awright? I mean, I'm not
really that reverential about Hitchcock at all. I mean, I'm not saying I
don't like him – I'm not saying he's a bad director, okay, but you know
what: f*** him. I don't care. He's not a religious icon. He's the guy that
when you first get into cinema, he's very easy to love. I think at a certain
point you outgrow him. But he takes you to a certain place."
Ten minutes have passed. "Okay, so what Gus Van Sant did was, he took
the exact same script as the original Psycho, not one word rewritten, and
shot it with 80% of the same camera angles. And that's a very interesting
experiment, okay? No one has ever done that before. If you take the same
script and use the same camera angles, but if your intention is completely
different than the intention of the original director, and you update it to
20 years later, but you don't change anything in the relationships, now
viewed from today's audiences in today's times – how different a movie will
you get?"
Ten more. "If you've ever seen Psycho, you remember it starts with John
Gavin and Janet Leigh having this illicit affair during her lunch hour. When
you do that same scene with Viggo Mortensen and Anne Heche? And it's, like,
1995? They both seem so f***ing white trash! I mean, having an affair in her
lunch hour and she works at a bank and she's going to a motel to get f***ed
by her greasy boyfriend – not John Gavin, but Viggo Mortensen? They're
f***ing in a motel, for Chrissake! It's really sleazy. So the whole movie is
put through that kind of stuff."
He relates this briefly to Kill Bill, explaining that the experience of
seeing his film will be in the moment but then by next year, if you see it
again, you'll know what's happened – and then for the rest of your life
you'll know how it turns out. "So it will be a different experience for
people yet to be born who will see Kill Bill than what's going to happen now
to people who see it in theatres."
I am struck by his absolute assurance of his position in the future. The
certainty of his work becoming a part of film history is something that just
is. He is still going: "Now. How that relates to Psycho is, when
Hitchcock made Psycho, no one in the theatre knew Anthony Perkins was his
mother. That was the big surprise, the thing they were selling. That when
you get to the end, you go, 'Oh, wow! That's who it is!' So everything was
designed in that movie to not let you think that was the case. Is there any
movie where the surprise ending is known more than Psycho? It would take a
lifelong Brazilian drag queen four hours to have the perfect dragness that
Anthony Perkins has when he's stabbing – awright? They're not trying to fool
us. So now, it's a character. It's real. Norman Bates is crazy. It's become
a character study. The fact that you have a whole movie based on a surprise,
and then you do the movie 40 years later knowing that everyone knows the
surprise... He's not trying to sell you that it's a mystery. He's selling
you a character study, but not changing anything. That's the thing that
makes it interesting."
Forty-five minutes later, he sits back and smiles. Not smug: satisfied.
Whether you agree or not is beside the point. He enjoys provoking,
discussing, and one of his most salient qualities is that he recognises the
value of the alternative perspective.
Two hours have passed and we have yet to talk about Kill Bill. As I begin to
give him my thoughts on the movie, I feel as if I should apologise. There is
guilt, as though I've been hiding candy from a child. And I want to tell him
it's not that I've been withholding – it's that we've been distracted. I
feel a need to say this only because I get the sense that, this whole time,
he's been holding his breath, waiting patiently, trying to be restrained.
And now, talking about the movie, finally: he can exhale. The fact is, Kill
Bill is intoxicating. Every second is exhilarating. Like he wants the
audience to have an experience seeing his movie that they would have taking
drugs or having sex or going to a rock concert: anything extreme and
addictive, an over-the-top pleasure. "What did you think?" He
asks, eager to get into it. "And don't be too precious."
Tarantino loves it that people will cringe, wince, look away. It's all about
the response in the moment. The audible, rollicking reaction.
"I had to tell Miramax, 'Don't worry about the f***ing blood, man. When
the audience is going, "Arrghh," that's them having a f***ing good
time! They're all doing it in unison. It's fun!'" He describes the
experience like this: "It's like I'm actually able to get you to reach
the climax with me about my own masturbatory fantasy. What I'm trying to get
you to do is get off with me. Not before me, not two seconds after me, but
to reach climax when I would. And then, hopefully, everyone is like,
'Ahhhhh!' And I've seen movies where I've felt that."
Kill Bill is an obsessive movie and therefore, perhaps, his most personal.
It's a synthesis of all the genres he's ever loved. Spaghetti westerns and
kung fu and yakuza and on and on. The attention paid to certain details is
remarkable. The scripting, the shooting, the symbiotic relationship between
director and actress – all of it. Since he is looking through obsessive
eyes, I ask what he is reflecting back. "Maybe I don't want you to know
the focus, but I want you looking with that strong a gaze."
Until it stops playing, he considers it his job to go and see his movie in the
cinemas. "I go all the time. The weekend it opens – that entire weekend
is mine. And I have to be in LA, because these are the theatres I know
because I grew up here."
He goes alone. All day, beginning with the first show. He drives all over
town checking out how it's playing with different audiences. "Sometime
around 8pm I usually go to the Magic Johnson Theatre to see how it's playing
with the brothers. That's the real test. Awright? Then I pick some really,
really cool theatre and go see the midnight show. So that whole weekend,
that's all I do."
He does this for his own enjoyment and it's what he claims to be making the
movie for. "This is the orgasm. If the whole thing from the start of
page one was the sex act, it all leads to the ultimate orgasm of me watching
it with a paying audience. So much so that at a certain point I can't watch
it with the editor any more – I can't watch it with people who've seen it...
it's like I'm jerking off. I've got to hold onto it for when it counts."
He repeats this process all over the world, going to London, Brazil, Mexico.
He's even cutting a special version of Kill Bill for Japanese audiences. The
fight sequences go to black and white because, as he says, "They can
handle it."
He leans forward. "You saw it this morning, right?" I nod. This
leads to a discussion of how, if a movie is special, it will stay with you,
whether you like it or not, all day. "I saw Annie Hall," he says, "not
knowing sh** about it when I was a little kid. I rode down on my bike, saw
it, rode my bike home, and I had just seen Annie Hall. So I went back to my
bedroom and I lay down on my bed and I wrestled with the movie. I'd seen
something profound. I was a little too young to realise how profound it was,
but I knew it was profound. Woody Allen took a leap with that movie and he
took me with him. And I didn't know where I'd leapt to, but I loved it. In
that little montage at the end – when he ruminates on Annie? – I found
myself being moved. But I've never had any feelings like that before, ever.
You know, I didn't know about relationships then. But I knew I was moved."
That he would be touched by the sorrow of heartbreak for the first time
through a movie is telling. For Tarantino, real life and the fantasy life of
film ae fused. He learnt early on to interpret life through film, and
Tarantino the man is a walking kaleidoscope of his influences. There has
been a question of where he is in his films. His signature resides in pacing
and rhythm, but emotionally there is a blank. Whereas the origins of someone
like Scorsese's violence are organic – coming out of immigrant repression –
Tarantino's violence is less specific. It is wild and off the map, often
perceived as slick, shocking, humorous but without gravity. So where is he
in the movie?
"You know what? The real answer is, I could tell you a bunch of different
things but they wouldn't be true. I'm not really that reactionary an artist.
I want to be able to look at it much later when it's all over with. Two
years from now I could answer and know what I'm talking about, about what is
me in Kill Bill, but I'm too in the middle of it now."
There are some answers, though. For instance, in Kill Bill there is nothing
pandering about Uma Thurman's character. She is not trying to get you to
like her. And in a way, right there, is an autobiographical moment. As much
as Tarantino wants to be liked, it is trumped by not caring what he says, or
what people think. Watching his films, one is both compelled and repelled.
Kill Bill is only the fourth film that Tarantino has written and directed,
though it feels he's done more. It is in his nature to take his work
seriously: "I can see kids on the street who are six years old and I
think, by 16 they'll see my first movie and know who I am and want to see
every f***ing movie I've made and think, 'This motherf***er is talking to
me.' I want all my movies to rock their world."
We pause to order a dessert. A debate over the caramel banana sundae or the
Oreo cookie mud pie produces outrage. "Wait. You want chocolate sauce
instead of caramel sauce? That makes no sense at all. I assumed you were
talking about the ice cream. I couldn't imagine you had a problem with the
sauce. If you're not responding to the caramel aspect of the caramel sundae,
I would definitely say Oreo!" I'm beginning to think that sugar at this
late hour might not be the best idea.
The fact that he made this movie surprised him. "I'm a lazy person,"
he says. "I don't write every day, like a job. If I want to do
something else that day, I will." Yet when he is reminded that he is
where he is because he created it for himself, he rethinks the statement. "I'm
a go-getter's soul in a lazy person's body."
There is an obvious joy that he gets from being able to spend his days
watching films and still be a responsible member of society. That he is
allowed to exist in this way impresses and beguiles him. "I get to
watch kung-fu movies all motherf***ing day long. And I was doing what I was
supposed to do!"
He watched at least one, if not two or three, kung-fu movies a day, for a
year and a half – and most of them were movies he'd seen before. It got to
the point where he was seeing so many Hong Kong and Japanese movies that he
began to think all the American movies that were opening were some sort of
weird, archaic cinema that has nothing to do with mainstream. Then,
suddenly: "I can't believe you wanted to bypass the caramel!"
The rollercoaster ride of conversation with him is as much a part of his films
as it is his life. An interview could be a scene in one of his movies.
It is quiet now. The crowd has left. Chairs are upside down on top of tables,
and the background music has been turned off. The clock says it is 2.15am
but I remember they close at 1am, so when the manager approaches our table
we realise they've been waiting for us to finish up. He apologises, says
they have to go home. Tarantino instantly reassures him: "Oh, man,
don't worry, it's all good." As we walk towards the car park, we talk
about times when he hasn't behaved as honourably as he should have. He
reflects on these times as meaningful. If it left a scar, he learnt
something. He says he might lie to himself in the bluster of a moment, but
when he's by himself he's harder on himself. "I'm more inclined to go
on a detest fest than I am to suck my own dick. And when I am sucking my own
dick I'm really putting it under a microscope asking, 'Is this okay?'"
It is nearly 3am and the streets are empty. We get to the car park, into his
car, a burgundy Volvo, the only one left in the lot. He starts the engine,
slowly beginning to drive, turning the wheel with both hands, immersed in
thought. He glances over his shoulder and makes a left onto Sunset
Boulevard. "Once you get to where you're going, you're not as hungry.
You're there... You have all the food you can possibly eat."
He is driving without having asked where I'm going. But we are moving in the
right direction, so I stay silent.
And what about his appetite now? "In the case of Kill Bill, it's proving
to myself. Do I have to prove I know what I'm doing? No. Do I have to prove
that I'm a great action director? You better f***ing believe it. Because
I've never done action before. For me, who understands it and thinks action
directors are maybe the most cinematic directors, it means I have to be one
of the best action directors in the world, or else I fail."
There is a pause. "You know where we're going? You gotta tell me left or
right."
Who will be the arbiter of whether Kill Bill has passed the test? How will he
know? "If it doesn't give me a hard-on, it won't for anyone else. My
standards are high, as they should be. Action cinema is like rock'n'roll. It
needs to constantly keep moving forward."
We sit at a red light watching as a group of glammed-up teenage girls cross
the street. A trio have linked arms and there is one, by herself, who trails
behind. He notices her, a bit chubbier than the others in her little party
dress, and turns to me. "There's a sweetness about her, don't you think?"
We are nearly at my hotel and he has been, and still is, so upbeat, I am
curious about how he handles depression. How does he control it if it occurs
while he's on the set? He tells me there was one time, while filming for
Kill Bill in Beijing, where he got as depressed as he's ever been. It was a
week when everything was ridiculously hard. He won't get into the specifics,
but says it was the kind of depression that can't be "blown off".
"I've been very spoilt up until this movie. I've always been allowed to
play in the back yard by my rules. And it was a whole week – for a couple of
days, I was pretty bad. I'm not used to being depressed on the set. I'm not
used to that. All of a sudden it went from the hardest and loveliest job in
the world to the worst job in the world."
What did the trick was a friend of his sending him a care package. "It
was a girl. And she sent me, like, bath salts and apricot this and kiwi
that, and loofah sponges and just all this girlie bath sh**. And I made a
really hot bath and I poured all that sh** in it. And after soaking and
chilling out, after this awful week, I was like, okay, this is what I gotta
do, and 20 years from now, no one's gonna give a f*** about how depressed I
am and that I want to say, 'F*** it all.' No one's gonna care about that.
They're only gonna care how I handled it."
Just then, for the first time, he looks off into the distance. "But life
is pretty good. Even when life was sh**ty, it was pretty f***ing good."

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