Detox is a buzz word that, even if it makes you flinch, is firmly part of our
vocabulary. We are gluttons, and not just for food and booze; we consume the
arts, too. Of course, we live in a country brimming with culture, and that’s
no bad thing. But sometimes you need to split the wheat from the chaff.
Think it over: you have the best intentions, but, each year, your cultural
diary seems an accumulation of heavy costs, disappointing experiences, long
slogs and a sense of déjà vu. So, here are some tips for a 2008 “arts
detox”: not to do less, but to do better. John Carey asked What Good Are the
Arts? – and the answers weren’t always reassuring. But, since we are
inevitably drawn to them, let’s at least try to choose the most nutritious
options.
DOWNSIZE
Bigger is not always better, so consume in moderation. Blockbuster movies,
exhibitions, biographies, deluxe DVD box sets: all are getting larger, in a
bid to be more comprehensive and to give us that all-important value for
money. But there’s no virtue in being knackered by art, with the exception
of the odd Ring cycle. Don’t be ashamed to choose the shorter works. It
could be a selection of short stories, Zadie Smith’s The Book of Other
People and Granta’s Book of the American Short Story having recently revived
the form. Or it could be a tiny exhibition – one of the best this year was
the Courtauld’s show on Cranach’s Adam and Eve, centred on one room. If
someone comments, say you’re not lazy, you’re gourmet.
KNOW YOUR INTERNET
Well, obviously – but how many of us stretch beyond e-mail and a few
favourite sites? Among what Doris Lessing recently called the “inanities” of
the net, you can find rare pearls. Film-lovers can read the very first film
reviews at rottentomatoes.com (uk.rottentomatoes.com
); music fans can hear all the latest music blogged via the Hype Machine (hypem.com
). What’s more, social networking is not solely about embarrassing photos
and stalking former partners. We all know MySpace’s ability to reveal new
artists, but what is less well known is that there are groups on Facebook,
such as the National Theatre’s, that provide exclusive ticket offers.
THE WEB IS THE NEW TV
Accept what media types are now bleating in PowerPoint presentations across
the world. This is not the merging of two evils. Amid the singing hamsters
and self-immolating teenagers on YouTube, there’s also a wealth of film, TV
and music clips. Joost, a sleeker service offering a selection of channels
(and better screen quality) was launched in October. Then there’s the BBC’s
iPlayer and 4 OnDemand. Use them to pick out the TV programming that really
matters and watch it at your leisure.
GO OFF PISTE
We already know that a high proportion of those who listen to Radio 4’s
Woman’s Hour are, in fact, men. This implies either a large amount of gender
confusion among Britain’s middle classes, or the brilliance of the
programme. For the sake of the late Mary Whitehouse, let’s say it’s the
latter. And while Lord Reith’s Radio 4 was the original example of this kind
of cultural serendipity, there’s no reason why other stations might not take
the baton now. In a digital age, there is a wealth of stations to tune in to
(through radioand iTunes), and at no cost. A personal favourite is Radio
Astronomy (www.radio-astronomy.net
), a station that broadcasts live sounds from our cosmos. Not many melodies,
but something different, you’ll agree.
ONE TO AVOID
What can only be described as “moral pornography”. Take the misery
memoir, in which it is somehow assumed that the amount of abuse the author
received as a child correlates with the quality of their writing. Reader, it
does not. The excuse was tired when the Brontës were pulling it, and it is
exhausted now. This also includes big films with an apparently moral edge,
such as the Brad Pitt vehicle Babel. Much as you may appreciate being
sermoned by the world’s most privileged people – “The world is unfair!”;
“Sometimes what we do hurts other people!” – are you really enlightened? You
get depressed; they go to the Oscars on the proceeds. Yes, the world is
unfair.
CULTURE IS NOT DIY THERAPY
It can help the head, it can mend the heart, but it is not a navel to
gaze at. Are you one of those stressed and affluent thirtysomethings who,
strangely enough, like nothing more than a good book/TV programme/album
about what it’s like being a stressed and affluent thirtysomething? What
fun. Examine instead the wealth of African literature that was applauded
this year: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Half a Yellow Sun or Dinaw Mengestu’s
Children of the Revolution. Or Romania’s new wave of cinema, with the Cannes
laureate 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days, or 12:08 East of Bucharest.
BUNK OFF
Weekend queues are exhausting – so take a day off and avoid them. If feeble
excuses such as careers or children mean you can’t take a full day, even a
well-padded lunch break can do wonders for your cultural fitness. The LSE is
organising a series of lunchtime arts talks at the start of 2008, called
Talking Pictures (tinyurl.com/2yufol );
similar events occur at the Ashmolean Museum, in Oxford, and the National
Museum Cardiff.
GO SOLO
Similarly, it might be best to do some things on your own. Nothing is more
self-defeating than paying a fortune to see a unique exhibition, stepping in
with a friend, then having a good chinwag as you blithely mosey past a
priceless set of previously unseen Caravaggios. And skipping the last two
rooms to get a mochaccino and a Judith and Holofernes mouse mat in the
gallery shop isn’t good, either.
GET BOOKED
You may often be found frantically ripping the “Richard & Judy Book
Club” sticker off the volume you’ve just bought, but it does not alter the
fact that it was, at one point, chewed over by Richard Madeley, Kerry Katona
and Christine Hamilton at 5.45pm on Channel 4, and you thought Kerry was
actually pretty perceptive, if you’re honest ...
Yet nothing beats the company of a good book group. Most know this already:
they are springing up all over the country at a stunning rate. World Book
Day is upon us on March 6, and you can prepare by helping them select The
Book to Talk About – the one you think is most likely to spark a discussion (www.worldbookday.com/spreadtheword
). Still, don’t go liberally tangling your lives up with the books: The Jane
Austen Book Club is not a path to follow. Any group who find their lives
echoing that of Fanny Price deserve a good shake and several bottles of
wine.
STAY SOBER
On the other hand, this being a detox programme, we should probably namecheck
Winehouse, Spears and Doherty. It’s alarming that as these popstrels’ lives
go into meltdown, they produce some of their best work. Getting into a
similar state will not make you enjoy them any more. Choose your evils
carefully, and make a mental note not to be ripped off by those corporate
cider stalls and wine bars that permeate every festival and theatre in the
country.
Finally, a postscript on merchandise. Sadly, I can’t disapprove: every night,
I go to sleep with a Prince pillow against my face, a memento from his gigs
last summer. It’s not right, I know, so it is my personal resolution to stop
this habit in 2008, and it should be yours, too. Just think: for the price
of that Egon Schiele apron, you could see the exhibition again; instead of
buying my pillow, I could have gone to another gig. Savings such as these
should help you sleep more soundly. Detoxed and refreshed, may yours be a
healthy, enlightened 2008.
