“It doesn’t matter,” he says. “There’ll be somebody who picks up on it. Having
grown up working in television, what all the networks say is, ‘Well, no one
will get it.’ When we did the pilot for ER, the NBC executives literally
turned round to the head of Warner Brothers and said, ‘What did you do with
our $3 million? There’s too many stories. No one will get it.’
“And the truth is – when you think of the shows that have been hits over the
years – that people are smart. M*A*S*H and Seinfeld and Taxi are all smart
shows.”
Despite all Clooney’s love action with the opposite sex over the years – one
ex-wife, decades ago, a string of girlfriends, none of whom has lasted for
longer than three years – there have been persistent rumours about him
preferring men. I had read about a website called “George Clooney is gay,
gay, gay” and the fabulous, practically Wildean insouciance of his
response: “No, I’m gay, gay…” “The third gay, that
was pushing it,” he completes his quote, looking fleetingly pleased with
himself.
The truth is that Clooney has a habit of playing up to the gay rumours. When I
ask him about the film company he used to run with Soderbergh, Clooney’s
response is: “Steven and I broke up.” Sifting through the cuttings – which
despite their bulk are remarkably sparse in terms of fresh content, with the
same slender details endlessly recycled – there is a distinct thread of
playful campness. Way back, he was asked about an episode of his life when
he brought girls back to mess around with him in his boudoir (a bed in a
buddy’s cupboard) and his jocular riposte was: “I’m certainly out of the
closet now.” During the ER years, asked about what might unfold in the next
series, he referred to one of his male “colleagues” thus: “I think Noah
[Wyle] and I become lovers on the show. Last season, you could see the
longing glances across the room.” When he and some of the Ocean’s Eleven
cast were invited to leave their handprints outside Hollywood’s Chinese
Theatre, he said: “If I had to be on my hands and knees with three other
guys, I can’t think of three better guys to do it with.” Well, excuse me,
but frankly how could you not think, “Hello, sailor!”
While some of our own local sex gods also enjoy teasing the press and the
public about their various proclivities – Russell Brand and David Walliams
instantly come to mind – it is highly unusual for an American film star to
set the cat among the pigeons in this way. On the subject of pets, Clooney’s
longest relationship has been with his beloved Vietnamese pot-bellied pig,
Max, the actor’s constant companion – until his recent demise – for 18
years. According to newspaper reports, Max was even allowed to share
Clooney’s bed in the rare gaps between his owner’s human relationships. If
any of Clooney’s girlfriends could have been persuaded to go for a menage à
trois, they might still be around.
When I say that I’m not going to ask about his sexuality, obviously, Clooney –
as relaxed as it is possible to be – says: “That’s all right, you can.” Most
people say that you’re so right-on that you won’t dignify the question with
a concrete response… “Because then you denigrate the people who are [gay],”
he agrees. “Also, I remember when there was a whole story about Richard Gere
and the truth is that he handled that as best as he could. He didn’t want to
say, ‘I’m not something,’ because it’s somehow insulting to other people.
“You know, people can think whatever they want. I live my life and have a
great life and I’m not worried about what people in that world think.”
Later, he mentions “some actor” who introduced the subject of Clooney’s
preferences recently, “and it was the funniest thing”. Er, what? “You’re
talking about me being gay…” Which actor? “Some actor in a London paper
brought it up. I can’t remember who it was but they were really tearing into
me and I was, like, ‘Wow, that was strange.’” Sorry? An English actor said
that you were gay? “I don’t know if that was what it was – maybe they were
just saying that I was an idiot, I can’t remember.”
The unmemorable English actor, I later discover, is Rupert Everett, who had
lambasted Clooney for his Ocean’s films, describing them as “a cancer to
world culture”, and rammed the knife in even further, saying: “He’s not the
brightest spark on the boulevard. He’ll be president one day. Mark my words,
if he’s straight [Everett is a very out gay], he’ll be president.”
It is when we talk about the forthcoming presidential election that Clooney
really hits his stride. On almost any other subject –which may explain that
meagre sense of him in the cuttings – his charm acts as a sort of shield,
creating a series of cul de sacs. His favoured response to any question that
is remotely personal is to come back with a wisecrack, rather like the
banter of an English public schoolboy, but more beguiling – so that you
don’t instantly recognise it as a withholding device.
He admits to being a bit of a bloke himself – a bloke with a Peter Pan
complex, with his train sets and model airplanes and motorbikes. When I’d
read about his pranks – which he still likes to play, he says – my heart
rather sank. There’s nothing debonair about leaving your calling card in
your host’s cat litter tray (my sons thought this was hilarious, but they
are teenagers) or borrowing friends’ cameras at parties to take photos of
your naked bottom. His favourite clip on YouTube is of a monkey sticking a
finger up his arse, smelling it and passing out.
Even his wedding, to actress Talia Balsam, sounds like a joke – with a
ceremony conducted by an Elvis impersonator in a kitsch Las Vegas chapel.
Three years after the couple’s divorce in 1993, Clooney himself sounded a
bit worried by his prospects, saying: “The problem is kind of image. As you
get older, that image isn’t cute any more – not like when you’re 18 and
going out with a bunch of girls. When you’re 40 and you do it, it’s kind of
sad.” I mention his current gorgeous girlfriend, Sarah Larson, a waitress
turned reality television winner, and ask him how many months – “She’s, uh,
I think she’s 29 years old, actually” (see, he’s quick) – before mumbling
that they started dating in August.
