The crunching of popcorn, the seemingly bottomless rustling bag, the bleeping mobile — this is the soundtrack of modern cinema, an horrific remix that sets my pulse racing more than any thriller. Fearing a Falling Down-style freak-out I’ve avoided going to the cinema for more than a year.

I am not alone in my phobia, though. Last month Picturehouse Cinemas, the UK’s largest art-house chain with 19 venues, launched a trial of popcorn-free screenings. The Everyman Cinema Club in Hampstead has already banned it. Nicholas Kent, the artistic director of the Tricycle theatre and cinema in West London, called it “a form of junk food . . . that encourages junk entertainment.”

It’s not just the monstrous munching. The last movie I saw was Transformers because I had to work out my childhood crush on Optimus Prime. But I couldn’t hear the iconic wik-a-wig-a-wik-ah transformation sound effect for the audience’s whooping and shrieking. One whoop, good. Whoop on loop, bad. I love movies, but for the past year I’ve been watching DVDs at home. At first I felt free but after a while I started to feel sad. And lonely.

My sofas seat only four people, and part of the cinema-going experience is communal — the shared build-up before the opening credits, then the trashing or hyping when you all spill out on to the street pulling on your jackets. Then there’s the small screen: it started to feel mean. A bit stingy. I Am Legend shrivelled and died in the 28in frame.

So I’ve created a new kind of cinema where we can enjoy movies together without the unwelcome soundtrack. Silent Cinema is beautifully simple: you wear wireless headphones to watch films on a full-size cinema screen. Sit back and relax, immersed in your own blissful silence! You can laugh or scream as loudly as you like. It’s like watching a movie at home only better because the screen is massive and you’re not alone. You’re all enjoying an individual experience. Together.

I am launching this new monthly night at the Andaz Hotel next to Liverpool Street station in the City of London. The screen will be projected on to a sexy Bladerunner-style atrium. And there’s a bar. Oh yes, forget filthy great buckets of warm, over-priced cola. We are serving cocktails, beer and wine. As we’re premiering on Hallowe’en in a hotel, we just have to show The Shining.

How deliciously creepy will it be to sit in a silent hotel watching Jack Nicholson creep around axe in hand? The only crunch will be That Door. The tensions builds and isn’t broken by a mobile phone going off or chatter or couples grizzling at each other.

The technology is easy: it’s basically an induction loop. Just don your wireless headphones, tune in and drop out. Keep them on when you dash to the toilet or top up at the bar and you won’t miss a thing. You can even eat a crisp if you like because in Silent Cinema no one can hear you eat.

Some might say that it’s making a public experience semi-private. But the increase in members’ only clubs and boutique events shows we want to be less public. Silent Cinema is still communal, it’s just not common; it’s self-selecting for people who love movies and respect them by not texting throughout. You can still see your fellow cinemagoers, you just can’t hear them. They will be there for you to share your feelings about the movie afterwards.

Dancing with your headphones on in a massive crowd at a Silent Disco definitely invokes a shared vibe and you get more into the music. Silent Cinema immerses you in the movie. The aching, soaring chords of Philip Glass provide a counterpoint to the massive Montana landscape, making Brokeback Mountain all the more tragic.

Silence is a powerful sound, but we rarely hear it. The Shining is full of it. Despite its name, though, Silent Cinema is about enjoying sound: the sounds the movie-makers want you to hear. So tearjerkers will jerk more tears, thrillers will be more thrilling and you can all talk about it together after. Just don’t bring popcorn.

Silent Cinema, Andaz Hotel, 40 Liverpool Street, London EC2 (020-7618 5061; www.ticketweb.com). Programme: The Shining, Oct 31; Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving and The Ice Storm, Nov 23; It’s a Wonderful Life plus an unseasonal horror, Dec 14 2008

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