HOWZAT

And on a stage where the great myths and moments of the western world, as seen in Troy and Kingdom of Heaven, are being re-imagined with the cover-star gloss of Brad Pitt (sexy-empty) and Orlando Bloom (sexy-girly), the move away from plastic archetypes has never seemed more timely.

Finally, with the news that Daniel Craig is odds-on favourite to inherit the 007 mantle, it makes complete and satisfying sense to know that one of the most physically attractive and narcissistic male icons in cinema might be transformed into something ugly — no, something sexy-ugly.

HOW TO BE A SEXY-UGLY ACTOR

Do Let yourself go. Emaciated or pleasantly plump, it’s what’s underneath that counts — see Adrien Brody and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Don’t Go to the gym. Muscles could not help Vin Diesel through A Man Apart.

Do Break your own nose in two places (Owen Wilson), or just one (Brody, Daniel Craig).

Don’t Sport a fine classical proboscis (see Ralph Fiennes).

Do Go bald. Follically challenged actors such as Paul Giamatti and Ed Harris have oodles of gravitas.

Don’t Fight it. John Travolta and Nicolas Cage have suspiciously roving hairlines.

Do Foster a mercurial persona — see Paddy Considine’s psycho-stalker in Romeo Brass and Born-Again brother in Summer of Love.

Don’t Be Tom Cruise.

Do Act in cash-strapped indie projects that have little if no financial prospects at the box office — see Brody in The Last Time I Committed Suicide.

Don’t Star in blockbusters.

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