241 Pizza

Remedy Play bimbos (which, strangely, was last year’s resolution for Colin Farrell).

COLIN FARRELL
Sex tapes on the internet, alleged drug overdoses in Uruguay and an apparently monumentally priapic appetite for female company. You would never know there were actually some half-decent films in there, too — see his forthcoming period epic The New World.

Remedy Buddhism. Go the Gere way. Follow in the footsteps of the silver-haired Eighties sex bomb Richard Gere and exchange a world of high-stakes, hedonistic womanising for the pleasures of, like, breathing and stuff.

SEAN PENN

Remedy Lighten up.

THE LION
The Christ-surrogate CGI star of The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is brutally tortured in Passion-like night of semi-ritualistic biblical horror, only to rise again just in time for a merciless blood-soaked battle finale.

Remedy Go the Gere way. It’s easier on the dry-cleaning. And you won’t get co-opted as a poster boy for a bunch of red-necked evangelicals.

PETER JACKSON
With Lord of the Rings and King Kong, has made some of the biggest, loudest, most expensive spectaculars to come out of the Hollywood studio system.

Remedy Small is beautiful. Tone it down with, say, a cut-price horror flick — high on atmosphere, low on special effects — about child abuse and murder in Seventies Pennsylvania. (Note: Jackson is already there. His adaptation of The Lovely Bones is currently in production.)

GWYNETH PALTROW

Remedy See Sean Penn.

WANNABE DOCUMENTARIANS
This was the year of the documentary. Inspired by super-successful doc-makers such as Michael Moore and Morgan Spurlock, legions of camcorder-wielding wannabes cobbled together films about literally anything. See Up for Grabs, the fascinating story of, ahem, the life of a baseball. Or The Parrots of Telegraph Hill, which is about parrots.

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