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— Penelope, Javier and Scarlett
That three-way snog between the hottest actors on the planet in Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona sent temperatures soaring on an otherwise chilly Croisette.

— Umbrellas/scarves
Forget beachwear – this year’s inclement weather (rain, wind, more rain) has led to soaring sales of umbrellas and festival folk in layers of woollies.

— Raymond, the night concierge at the Majestic Hotel
A true gent in a town full of hustlers and hucksters, and the proud possessor of a photo of Michael Jackson – without his sunglasses.

— Animation
Kung Fu Panda and the Israeli animated documentary Waltz with Bashir couldn’t be more different but both have created a serious buzz in the festival.

— Fat tummies
Angelina Jolie is carrying twins in hers; Jack Black has no such excuse. But the biggest gut on the red carpet belonged to the life-sized kung fu panda that cavorted with Jeffrey Katzenberg.

— Boujis
The first Cannes appearance for Princes William and Harry’s favourite South Ken drinking den has been a hit. Punters couldn’t get enough of the signature cocktail, the Boujis Collins; our intrepid reporter managed to dance all the skin off her big toe.

— OAPs
Cloud 9, a sensitive story of a geriatric love affair, caused a stir in the Un Certain Regard section. And we are charmed by Peter Bunzi’s On the Upside, the tale of an elderly couple with unusual living arrangements.

— Jean-Claude Van Damme
On the plus side, his candid, self-mocking meta-movie J.C.V.D. has been a surprise hit; on the down side, he’s having to finance his next movie out of his own savings.

— The Leopard Ladies
The scary Cannes characters, a rather weathered mother and daughter double act who dress entirely in leopard print, made their usual appearance on the Croisette. Plus ça change.

— Indigenous peoples
Representatives from Norway’s Sami tribe erected a wigwam on the lawn of the Grand Hotel. Sadly it had a hole in the top that let in the rain.

— Canapés
Belt-tightening means that the canapé standard has plummeted. Limp slices of white bread topped with greying processed meat just doesn’t cut it, people.

— The Soho House
Its party last year was the hot ticket of the festival. But this year the guest list is more exclusive: Soho House has decided that members will not be automatically invited as the party is a sponsored event. Cue much sulking and stamping of feet.

— Bad titles
The worst we found was a Russian film in the Cannes market called, I kid you not, The Gold of Troy and the Heinrich Schliemann’s Worldwide Antiquities’[sic] Collection. Just trips off the tongue, doesn’t it?

— Leggings
Memo to Cannes ladies of a certain age: Buy a full-length mirror

— Freebies
The quality of giveaways is a casualty of the credit crunch. This year delegates can pick up an Israel Film Council wet wipe or Screen International’s hessian bag.

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