There is a large and fruity polar bear on the loose in The Golden Compass. He is the heroic guardian of Lyra, and a danger to children over the age of 32. His ego is more terrifying than his bite, and if he wasn’t disguised as a hearth rug I could almost swear he was Sir Ian McKellen.

The unedifying truth about this year’s winter’s tale is how dismal it looks after a decade of Hogwarts, Narnia and the Rings. The first leg of Chris Weitz’s adaptation of Philip Pullman’s trilogy, His Dark Materials, fails to match the magic of the book. It’s not for want of trying. New Line Cinema has poured a fortune into the dazzling effects and celebrity cast. But there is no oxygen for the imagination.

The power of Pullman is that he invents a world just an inch out of kilter with our own. People catch Zeppelins instead of aircraft. The young speak an improbable brand of Cockney. And every human is blessed with a daemon: a talking animal that serves as a guardian angel, and arguably a soul.

The whys and wherefores are never explained. The Golden Compass itself is an oversized pocket watch that reads secrets beautifully, but it’s hopeless when it comes to simple directions. The film pompously assumes you’ve read the books. I really didn’t have a clue what was going on once the film ploughed past page 78.

The cast do their blustering best. Dakota Blue Richards is, despite her ghastly name, surprisingly good as the 12-year-old Lyra, an orphan at an Oxford University college who has gifts beyond her ken. Her dashing uncle, Lord Asriel (Daniel Craig), is too busy tramping around the Arctic to give her the time of day. Both heroes are forever in danger of being crushed by a towering speech.

But mostly they are stalked by sinister academics who want to rule the world, notably Nicole Kidman who has an army – the Gobblers – that specialises in stealing children. Kidman plays her Wicked Witch of the West role to icy perfection. But even her frozen charms can’t disguise a fatal lack of real drama.

Certificate PG, 113mins

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