Cynics may be tempted to dismiss Bangkok Dangerous as money for old rope but the Hollywood firepower under its gleaming bonnet would make a Top Gear presenter shiver with pleasure. Nicolas Cage is a ruthless hitman who is as reliable and expensive as a Swiss watch. His kills are immaculately planned pieces of art.

We first see him in a bell tower in Prague, fine-tuning a fatal moment. He looks like a mad composer, but there is nothing like a pair of cross-hairs to focus the adrenalin of an audience. This money-is-no-object remake of the Pang brothers’ first box-office smash in Thailand is the diary of a lonely “mechanic” on his last job: just one final bullet to bury in a prominent politician in Bangkok before he vanishes like a ghost into the ether.

The story, narrated in droll snippets by Cage, and illustrated by peroxide Asian extras who get their heads blown off, bears scant resemblance to the cheap and grimy 1999 original in which the hero was a deaf mute. Cage doesn’t do physical impairments (or indeed rampant sex) lest it cramp his global image as Hollywood’s one and only action-poet whose sins are contractually redeemed by a heart of gold.

For better or worse the actor’s humble drawl, clumsy brown eyes and Eeyore attitude to every crisis makes it almost impossible to act with or against him. So it is here. I can’t remember the last time Cage shared a film with anyone, the honourable exception being Adaptation where he played squabbling twins. Inevitably, the icy loner breaks his own golden rules. He adopts a cheeky young bag-snatcher called Kong (an impressive turn by Shahkrit Yamnarm), rather than slitting his throat. And he grudgingly falls in love with Charlie Young: yes, a soulful shop assistant, and deaf mute (and a she, lest there be any unfortunate confusion).

The Pang brothers take full advantage of their Hollywood budget to paint Bangkok skyscrapers in shimmering midnight blues. Unlike Ritchie, the Thai directors capture the pumping energy of a city on the move. What fails are the tourist-board moments of spiritual enlightenment. We groan when Cage bonds with a local elephant. We groan again when he starts lighting joss sticks. The simple pleasures are the potty shoot-outs, and visceral justice. Is it superior to the original Bangkok Dangerous? It’s a completely different film.

18, 99 minutes

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