Young, dumb and full of chrome, the second in the franchise about two tribes of shape-changing alien robots slugging it out on Earth is testosterone-charged even by the standards of its director Michael Bay (Bad Boys, Armageddon). its endless skirmishes between the human-friendly Autobots and the thoroughly objectionable Decepticons, with a bombastic rock soundtrack and leering shots of Megan Fox bent over shiny motorcycles, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallenis the sort of film that might become standard if 13 year-old boys ruled the world.

persuaded by the film’s executive producer Steven Spielberg, Bay has also shoehorned in some Close Encounters-style extraterrestrial omens and a treasure hunt straight out of Indiana Jones. The likeable Shia LaBeouf returns as the human kid caught in the crossfire, and wisecracking relief comes from a pair of street-talking Autobots and John Turturro’s pompous survivalist.the main plot, about an exiled Decepticon called the Fallen returning to Earth to steal the Sun, is hopelessly daft and too many of the vast supporting cast of Transformers go unnamed and unexplained. True, the transformations are even more impressive than those in the first film:of gear-meshing wonder as robots metamorphose into cars, planes, bulldozers, ball bearings. One team even combines to formsuper-giant android vacuum cleaner and sets about swallowing an Egyptain pyramid.

Once the wow factor begins to dim, however, we are left with playground-level cowboys and Indians, as legions of nameless behemoths batter seven shades of rust out of each other, with pyrotechnic support from the US Army.

It’s like being hit over the head repeatedly with a very expensive, very loud train set.After two and a half hours in this bludgeoning company, you’re begging Bay to put away the boys’ toys and make a rom-com.

PG, 147mins

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