IT wasn’t a disaster more of a crash landing. Scooch, Britain’s Eurovision Song Contest entry touched down in second to last position last night.

Confounding unpatriotic critics who cruelly predicted a rerun of Jemini’s “nul point” debacle of 2003, Scooch’s tribute to high camp Flying the Flag (for You) scored a modest 19 points thanks to Malta and Ireland, who came last. Britain’s entry was always an outside bet, with Ladbroke’s odds yesterday narrowing from 28-1 to 20-1.

Resplendent in tricoloured budget airline chic, the group — David Ducasse, Natalie Powers, Caroline Barnes and Russ Spencer set new standards for runway fashion at Stansted and Luton this season.

They had made their act more Eurocentric by removing Union flags from airline trolley props and recorded versions of their song in a variety of languages. Alas to no avail.

The band, who had a top 10 hit in 2000, reformed specially for Eurovision and were chosen by BBC viewers.

After a close battle with Ukraine, Serbia’s Marija Serifovic emerged winner with her big ballad Molitva. “Do you remember Abbott and Costello?” joshed veteran Eurowag Sir Terry Wogan, rather unkindly noting the singer’s resemblance to the comic actor Lou Costello.

Ukrainian drag queen Verka Serduchka, a Teletubby lookalike, was favourite with his dance tune Dancing Lasha Tumbai. Dressed in a sparkling silver foil top and shorts Serduchka enthusiastically sashayed across the stage and into second place, backed by a pair of butch male dancers in spangly costumes. “That’s the kind of stuff they like here,” noted Sir Tel. Ukrainian icon Sergei Prokofiev may well have turned in his graves.

Wogan was incredulous as neighbour voted for neighbour.

“People say ‘This is ludicrous’ but they still do it,” he noted, correctly predicting Croatia would cast its maximum 12 points for Serbia.

Last night’s contest from Helsinki was the 52nd, watched by a pan-European audience estimated at 100m.

When it launched in 1956 the contest was an elegant black tie affair and an ambitious techie project linking seven countries. Little could those pioneer broadcasters have imagined the spectacle into which it would evolve.

This year a record 42 nations sacrificed taste and centuries of cultural heritage to compete.

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