All right, it probably won’t ever happen, but in the unlikely event that someone, one day, bets you a large amount of money that you won’t be able to identify which person in a crowd of strangers is a music journalist - without asking them directly what they do for a living - here’s how you win the bet. Go up to each person in turn and ask them to name their favourite Beatles track. The music journalist is the one who chooses Tomorrow Never Knows.

You can be sure of two things. First, nobody who doesn’t listen to music for a living will choose the final track on Revolver. An early pop gem such as I Wanna Hold Your Hand, perhaps, or a psychedelic masterpiece such as Strawberry Fields Forever, or a late-period sing-along such as Hey Jude, but not Tomorrow Never Knows. Second, the music critic has to say Tomorrow Never Knows. It’s the law. If they choose Penny Lane or Let It Be, they’ll be drummed out of the union.

Like the rich, music journalists are different. Crucially, we hear music differently. Obviously, we shouldn’t. In an ideal world, music critics would be a simple conduit between great music and the wider public. “Here you go,” we should say, “you’ll love this” - and you would love it. The truth is a little different. While there is a large amount of music that is loved by critics and embraced by the record-buying/downloading public, and a similar amount that is shunned by both, there are albums that are adored by critics, but firmly resisted by almost everyone else, and albums that sell shedloads despite being ravaged by every critic in the land. The former group is epitomised by Captain Beefheart’s Trout Mask Replica, the latter by Bat out of Hell - so let’s call them Trouts and Bats.

There are different kinds of Trouts. Some are surely just about music critics showing off. Even if you admire the artistic intent behind Metal Machine Music, would you really want to listen to it? Then there are Trouts that are genuinely wonderful works, and critics shake their heads in sorrow that more people don’t appreciate them, although we kind of understand why. Robert Wyatt typifies this group. Critics love him, but realise that his voice will strike most listeners as a bit odd on first hearing. In fact, “Wyatting” has gained currency as a term describing the act of playing a song on a pub jukebox that you know will unsettle and annoy other customers. Fortunately, as well as being a brilliant songwriter and singer, Wyatt is also a thoroughly nice chap, with a great sense of humour, and professes himself “honoured” by the association.

You might think that music critics would give up on these Trouts as lost causes, but no. We dig in our heels because we know we’re right. Van Morrison’s Astral Weeks is one of the best albums ever made; nobody much bought it, but critics never shut up about it. Eventually, 33 years later, it finally went gold. Okay, a lot of those sales will have been to music journalists replacing yet another worn-out copy, but still.

If Wyatt’s voice or Morrison’s masterpiece are far enough away from the musical mainstream to make their commercial limitations understandable, another batch of Trouts - wonderful pop music by Aimee Mann, Brendan Benson and one-non-hit-wonders Cardinal, masterful songwriting by John Hiatt or Randy Newman - seems to have all the necessary ingredients for commercial success, but never broke through beyond the “critically acclaimed” level.

In part, this is explained by the importance of image in commercial success. Even in their younger days, Hiatt and Newman didn’t carry themselves like pop stars, and while Mann gave it a go, she always looked uncomfortable in the role. Mainly, though, the discrepancy between Trouts and Bats is due to the fact that music critics are assessing music using different criteria than the rest of the world. Or, perhaps more accurately, we’re using roughly the same criteria, but giving greater weight to some of them. Critics are particularly keen on authenticity, innovation, great lyrics and - most of all - a direct and identifiable connection between the emotions of the songwriter and the finished work. We’re looking for the musical equivalent of a Jackson Pollock - it doesn’t have to be pretty, but it must be genuine. If you take a look at the list of Bats, you’ll note the almost complete absence of these qualities, in favour of attributes that critics often downweight – melody, entertainment value, immediacy, escapism, image.

Of course, these lists are merely the extremes. There is an awful lot of shared ground. If you think of some of the biggest hits of the past few years - the songs that were “everywhere”, such as Hey Ya, Crazy, Umbrella, Rehab - they tick all the boxes. Critics adored them as much as the millions who bought them. We don’t just like the “difficult” stuff - although, saying that, you really ought to find room for a little Wyatt in your life.

CRITICS’ FAVOURITES THAT THE PUBLIC HATES

1 Captain Beefheart, Trout Mask Replica
2 The Fall, Hex Enduction Hour
3 Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Tender Prey
4 The Flying Burrito Brothers, The Gilded Palace of Sin
5 Robert Wyatt, Dondestan
6 Ron Sexsmith, Other Songs
7 Lou Reed, Metal Machine Music
8 Dexy’s Midnight Runners, Don’t Stand Me Down
9 Palace Music, Viva Last Blues
10 Scott Walker, Tilt
11 Guided by Voices, Bee Thousand
12 Slint, Spiderland
13 Aimee Mann, Whatever
14 Randy Newman, Sail Away
15 Brendan Benson, Alternative to Love
16 Cardinal, Cardinal
17 Van Morrison, Astral Weeks
18 Love, Forever Changes
19 Big Star, Radio City
20 Vic Chesnutt, Is the Actor Happy?

PUBLIC FAVOURITES THAT THE CRITICS HATE

1 Meat Loaf, Bat out of Hell
2 Eagles, Hotel California
3 Norah Jones, Come Away with Me
4 James Blunt, Back to Bedlam
5 Céline Dion, Falling into You
6 Mariah Carey, Music Box
7 Shania Twain, Come on Over
8 Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet
9 Billy Joel, Greatest Hits
10 Cher, Believe
11 Dido, No Angel
12 Lionel Richie, Can’t Slow Down
13 Ricky Martin, Ricky Martin
14 Cranberries, No Need to Argue
15 Genesis, We Can’t Dance
16 Pearl Jam, Vs
17 Supertramp, Breakfast in America
18 Simply Red, Stars
19 Robbie Williams, Swing When You’re Winning
20 Jeff Wayne, War of the Worlds

Explore Music

• CD Reviews

• Live Reviews

• Classical

Editor's choice

• The 100 Best Films of the Decade
• 70 facts you didn't know about Marvel
• The 50 Biggest Movies Of 2010