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TRACK: Divine

WHO: Fruity French chanteur Sebastien Tellier.

WHAT: Eurovision gone cool? Surely not.

THE HYPE: ‘Deceptively simple, happily ridiculous and completely brilliant’ - Pop Justice

WE SAY: Eurovision is one of those things that you could try to rationalise, like The Rocky Horror Show, My Family or the mysterious American accent of that kid from Busted, but there really is no benefit or reason for doing so.

If slide rules and scientific measurement were used, Britain’s untouchable pop pedigree would mean that we’d always win, only worrying about the Irish, the Swedes and the French and maybe the Germans occasionally nicking the title off us. No, the contest’s sole use, as we all know, is to political spectators, as it serves a symbolic gauge for the current EU climate – which nation’s miffed at which and who wants to reinforce relations and such. Which makes it all the funnier that we seem recently to have been behaving like a cheap floosie, trying so hard to win favour, exploring different genres from r'n'b to kitchy Steps pop, vainly trying find out which will float the Eastern European voters’ boats. The shame.

This year, the French have shown us how it’s done with a certain swaggering aplomb, roping in swarthy beardy Tellier and producer Guy-Manuel De Homem-Christo, him out of Daft Punk. It seems an inspired choice. Kooky, catchy and kitschy, his low-maintenance bontempi Gallic pop floats on a Beach Boys harmonic breeze that defies resistance. But it will probably still lose out to a Bulgarian dental hygenist singing her love for tinned crab over a Shakira –styled latino number. You just watch.

IF YOU ONLY NEED TO KNOW ONE THING: The French government got a bit sniffy about the fact the song representing the French is sung in English. Eurovision host Terry Wogan was nonplussed. ‘Are they mad? It’s not going to make the smallest difference.’ Still, Sebastien has relented and promises full-on Gallic action for the ceremony.

WHERE CAN I GET MY HANDS ON IT: Divine is released on May 19. Tellier’s album Sexuality is out now.

FIND MORE: www.myspace.com/TELLIERSEBASTIEN

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