“Let's not take it away from him - let's congratulate him,” he said. But, with seconds to go before the end of a 205-minute broadcast, Sir Terry Wogan's feelings about this year's Eurovision Song Contest, the Russian song that won it and the way that it won were about as warm as the wind that whips through Red Square in winter.

He had explicitly alleged that “politics” would win it for Believe by Dima Bilan, and then - as the song stretched its lead ahead of Greece and Armenia - became strangely maudlin. We couldn't see him, but as early as the third round of voting - in which Russia received the maximum 12 points from Ukraine - the twinkling Wogan of all our Eurovision yesterdays had been ousted from his seat and replaced by Dark Terry.

“Ukraine just want to be sure that the old electricity and the oil flows through,” was his muttered reaction. As the fate of Britain's singing dustman Andy Abraham became clear, Dark Terry levelled his criticism at clearly inferior songs that had won more points. Admittedly, there weren't many (inferior songs that is - it turned out that every song received more points than us). Referring to Rodolfo Chikilicuatre - Spain's wretched Elvis-wigged equivalent of Timmy Mallett - he gasped: “I simply don't believe it. They've had 53 [points] for Chikichiki.” From Wogan's vantage point, Andy Abraham “gave the performance of his life” - which told you rather more about Abraham's life than the forgettable sub-Stock Aitken & Waterman dreck he was there to sing.

Inasmuch as Russia's song was just as rubbish, and great tunes by Croatia and Portugal floundered mid-table, Wogan had a point. Having failed to win it for Russia two years ago, Dima Bilan brought reinforcements in the form of a tiny ice rink, an unhinged violinist and, to his left, a blond, mullet-haired ice-skater. As Belarus - a country who, lest we forget, had overwhelmingly opposed independence from Russia - lobbed douze points in their direction, you could sense something fermenting in the commentary box. It was a thoroughly fed-up call to arms from a broadcasting titan. Referring, in part, to the departure of Kevin Bishop, the BBC's Eurovision producer, Wogan said: “He and I have to decide whether we want to do this again.”

Then, in what might be Europop's equivalent of the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Sir Terry suggested that “Western participants have to decide whether they want to do this again.” All of which left one wondering if a little perspective had been lost here. In 1980, 62 countries boycotted the Olympic Games in protest at the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. The action prompted Peter Gabriel to write Games Without Frontiers - a song that tried to highlight the childish way that nations interact with each other. Now, in 2008, we're talking about boycotting the Russian Eurovision because we came bottom.

Tell you what. Let's just give it one more try, but with a decent song, eh? And if we still come bottom, then we'll ponder the only dignified option left.Pull out? The country where the “These Colours Don't Run” T-shirt was invented? Pah! Far from it!

No, here's what I was thinking. We quickly cede independence to Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, Cornwall, the Isle Of Man, the Isle Of Wight, Guernsey, Jersey and Alderney, thereby making them eligible for Eurovision. And then, let the back-scratching commence.

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