HOWZAT

“And they’re probably right. Many mums probably do assume their youngsters will want something simple and won’t understand ‘adult’ music — whereas in reality the kids probably have a better intuitive appreciation of great music than us adults because the marketing and the celebrity and the peer pressure and the ‘cool’ factor that warps the average adult’s mind all go straight over their heads. The result is bad tempers all round rather than excitement and bonding.”

In America, though, things have moved on a little. Having failed on several occasions to make a tolerable record for grown-ups, the Boston nerd-rock laureates They Might Be Giants made a great one for kids. Released in 2004, Here Come the ABCs channelled the spirit of vintage Sesame Street into songs such as E Eats Everything and Who Put the Alphabet (in Alphabetical Order?).

The Washington-based indie label RAS has lured revered reggae artists such as Gregory Isaacs, Bunny Wailer and Freddie McGregor to contribute to its Reggae For Kids series. Jason Falkner, formerly of Jellyfish, released two volumes of his instrumental labour of love, Bedtime with the Beatles. Even the Smithsonian Institution got in on the act with Leadbelly Sings For Children. As long as your kids don’t know that the friendly old man singing Boll Weevil and Pig Latin Song served time for murder, it’s a way to make bedtime go that bit quicker.

Back in the UK, though, it’s a different story. Colours are Brighter stands virtually alone in the browser marked “not-at-all-depressing kiddiepop”. Saint Etienne’s much-touted children’s album Up the Wooden Hill to Bedfordshire never surfaced beyond an excellent six-track “teaser” EP given away with last year’s Tales from Turnpike House. Erasure are said to be working on tracks for a children’s album, but a spokesperson says that “nothing has been recorded”. Trunk Records’s recent Fuzzy Felt-Folk tapped into a vein of slightly unsettling acoustic music favoured by early Seventies kids’ programmes.

By and large, though, it’s been slim pickings. Which is a shame, given that we have all, at some point, spent a tense car journey with a child and a tape of some failed folksinger attempting to suppress their fury at the hand that life has dealt them with or The Wheels on the Bus and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

“I briefly dabbled with one of those,” admits the Divine Comedy’s Neil Hannon (who contributes a lovely chamber-pop medley of Winnie-the-Pooh songs to Colours Are Brighter). “My daughter was fine with it, but I just wanted to throttle someone.”

Ultimately, the only course of action that might get the discerning pop parent through these tricky years is a little lateral thinking. There are, in fact, hundreds of excellent children’s songs out there — and you already know them. Walk over to your record collection and look at it with a child’s eyes. Scour the track listings. It’s all there! What’s not to understand about Should I Stay or Should I Go by the Clash? What aspect of the Police’s Walking on the Moon will a four-year-old fail to understand? Finally, of course, there’s Vashti Bunyan, heroine of my greatest bedtime story. What does she think of the idea that her Hebridean adventure is percolating into the interior world of a new generation? Speaking on the phone from Seattle, where she is rehearsing for a headlining American tour, she seems amused by the notion. “It’s wonderful, but it’s also a little ironic. The reception given to the album was so distressing that I just wanted to put music behind me. I don’t think I even sang my children to sleep.”

The good news, however, is that closure might be just around the corner. “I’m expecting my first grandchild in the next few weeks, so I’ll probably sing a few of those songs to him.”

Colours Are Brighter is released on October 16 by Rough Trade, all proceeds going to Save The Children

Paphides’ Choice: anthems for weenies

The Clash Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Killer tempo-change alloyed to we’ve-all- been-there sentiments.

Van Halen Jump
Hard to believe this was meant for grown-ups.

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