David Hayles
Attend an evening with Andre Agassi

If you like your comedy raw and confrontational, Russell Howard is not for you. But while he lacks the vein-throbbing intensity of fellow Mock the Week panellists Frankie Boyle and Andy Parsons, he’s on a roll. This week he continues his rise to the top rank of Brit-comedy with his new TV show Good News. It celebrates, he says, “news stories that make you go: ‘Ahh, how lovely’.” An apt description of Howard himself. His wide-eyed, upbeat style is an antidote to the cynicism that has been the mainstay of comedy for so long. Along with the similarly breezy Michael McIntyre, Howard has had huge success on the stand-up circuit — come December, the 29 year-old will be filling arenas around the country (he has already sold out Wembley and Cardiff). He has no time for comedy that is downbeat for the sake of it. “I saw a stand-up the other day who said, ‘It’s outrageous there are no longer any local post offices any more!’ You’re a 25-year-old comic, you don’t care about that. I hate celebration of petty rage — it doesn’t achieve anything.”
Russell Howard’s Good News, Thur, BBC Three, 10.30pm. The Big Rooms & Belly Laughs tour runs Dec 11-20 (russell-howard.co.uk)
Ridiculous news stories
Man gropes robot In Japan customers are no longer allowed to touch a robot because somebody groped it. How did the robot communicate that it had been groped? I wasn’t aware that they had personal space issues. Is that an initial decision — I’m going to grope a robot? I also imagined he’d built his way up. He’d started touching toasters, maybe Henry the hoover, which instead of a happy face had a sad face.
Man blames murders on dyslexia A BNP councillor implied there was knife crime and increased violence to get everyone so frightened that they’d vote for him. His excuse was fantastic. He said out loud: “I’m dyslexic.” It’s outrageous, so brazen. Blaming dyslexia for made-up murder. You could use it for any excuse.
Man dresses as dolphin This German bloke dressed as a dolphin in an attempt to get a dolphin to come near him so he could have a sexual frisson. It’s one of those stories that makes you think, that can’t have been a spur-of-the-moment thing — a man in Germany going: “I’m going to try and do this with a dolphin; I’m going to get the costume then I’m going to book the holiday.” Where are you going for two weeks? “None of your business.” Why’s your suitcase bulging? Is that a fin?
Mock the Weekers
Frankie Boyle He’s had a few water-cooler moments. People come in and say: “I can’t believe what Frankie said!” For a young comic, working on the circuit, I remember doing the first one and thinking, this guy’s incredible. His jokes are all juicy fillets of filth — it’d make a great title for his show.
Dara O’Briain An amazing master of ceremonies, the way he holds things together.
Hugh Dennis One of the best comedic performers — his ability to make lines funny just by pulling a face.
Andy Parsons A really great political comic.
Favourite films
The Big Lebowski (1998) It’s one of those films I can watch over and over. I don’t know why I even love it any more. It represents comfort — it’s like a hug.
Airplane (1980) The ultimate comedy film.
Valentín (2002) I like my comedy sweet. This is about a lazy-eyed Argentine boy who wants to grow up to be an astronaut. It’s brilliant.
Soccer Dog (2004) Primarily because I’m fairly sure it’s the only film where you see a labrador get to perform an overhead kick.
Biscuits
I have a lot of time for Jaffa Cakes, but, technically, they’re not a biscuit, are they? There’s a new yoghurt- coated biscuit — I like those. And you can’t beat Maryland cookies. I used to be a lot bigger than I am, so I had to cut out biscuits. My sister reckons I’m a manorexic. I am, in some way, trying to cheat death, so I don’t eat biscuits and I go to the gym.
Russells
Russell Brand I took over his show on 6music and I rang him up for advice. He gave me lots of ideas and then gave me a lovely send-off when he went to Radio 2. He’s how I imagine Billy Connolly was; you get the impression that he isn’t just reciting material.
Russell Crowe I’m fairly indifferent to Crowe. He’s definitely the hardest of the Russells.
Jack Russells Phenomenal dogs. I’m getting one called Archie. My mum and dad used to have four. My favourite died the other day. He was blind. If anyone says there’s nothing funny about disability, they’ve obviously never seen a blind dog start a fight with the wind.
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