Were Neil Simon, Marvin Hamlisch and Carole Bayer Sager all having a really, really bad day when they concocted this musical back in the 1970s? Or is it just this Menier production that is to blame? Alistair McGowan plays Vernon Gersch, a smart-ass composer, Connie Fisher (of The Sound of Music fame) is Sonia Walsk, a kookie, whiny-voiced lyricist, and the entire gruelling 2hr 40min is taken up with their faltering romance. They wear bad wigs and sing terrible songs to each other: “I really like you tonight.” Gersch makes quips: “You’re a flake and I’m a flake, and that makes a snowstorm.” There are some dancers wearing more bad wigs. And, er, that’s it. Will Vernon and Sonia’s romance work out? Do you care?

The acting is amateurish and Fiona Laird’s direction is as flat-footed as a duck with fallen arches. Nobody seems to know what they’re doing there, and neither do I. This is the worst musical I’ve seen on a London stage since Desperately Seeking Susan — and that’s saying something.

Editor's choice

• The 100 Best Films of the Decade
• 70 facts you didn't know about Marvel
• The 50 Biggest Movies Of 2010