Born Survival: Bear Grylls (Sat, Channel 4), the third episode in the series, and this week Grylls was surviving in the Everglades.

To be honest, after spending the last two episodes in the rainforest and the Arctic, respectively, Grylls looked, rightly but only slightly, ashamed to be “surviving” in a destination that people ring in to Richard & Judy to win holidays to. He thus had to spend much of the show ramping up just how risky his expedition actually was.

“Sixty five tourists were rescued from here last year!” he said, aware that this isn’t Born Survival at all, but Vexing Situations That Were Resolved with a Single Call to 911 .

As part of his campaign to try to ramp up his sojourn in the setting for Gentle Ben, Grylls embarked on some Extreme Snacking. Breaking off halfway through a monologue to catch a tree-frog, Grylls then ate it, whole and alive, with the words “The first bite must kill it, or it’ll wriggle all the way down.”

Of course, Grylls is making a TV programme. When making a TV programme, you have to do TV programme things, such as pretend that all survival situations are equally perilous, and that you’re only one tiny mistake away from instant, horrific death.

Quite why you have to do this, I don’t know — speaking for myself, I would have found the show a lot more engaging if, right at the top, Grylls had come clean and said: “To be honest, this week’s survival situation is a bit of a doss, but in case you ever do get lost on your way to the Weeki Wachi Springs Mermaid Show, here’s how to walk through saw-grass.” But, of course, television can never be that honest.

Which is a shame because, on behalf of Ray Mears — the survival Obi-Wan Kenobi to Grylls’s upstart Skywalker — I’ve been doing a bit of research on Grylls, and the image he’s peddling on Born Survivor doesn’t really take into consideration the full spectrum of the Grylls phenomenon.

On Born Survivor, Grylls makes constant reference to his previous survival experience, and time spent in the SAS. And, of course, Grylls does have serious survival form — he’s the youngest person to climb Mount Everest and not die, and he’s also sailed around the world in an inflatable boat. This is a man who would, clearly, be quite bored by the outdoor facilities offered at Center Parcs.

At the same time, there’s another side to Grylls that he’s keeping quiet. For instance, that wilderness-mavenish name, “Bear Grylls” — that’s not his real name at all. His real name is the more prosaic “Edward Grylls” — Eddie — with the “Bear” tucked away, as a middle name. Grylls — perhaps peeved at his parents hiding away a more telegenic name — has gone on to name his own sons “Jesse” and “Marmaduke” — names which, in the playground, will surely inspire desperate battles for survival of their own.

In 2005, Grylls took a break from living on sand in the Outback to break the world record for “Highest Ever Dinner Party” — conducted between two air-balloons, at 25,000ft, and presumably not an objective the SAS trained him for. Finally, for those enamoured of Grylls’s catchphrase — “I’m going to survive here with nothing but my waterbottle, flint, and the clothes I stand up in” — you can buy a Bear Grylls branded range of clothing from his website, including sweatshirts (“Nonshrink muscle-fit” £40.)

But then, you know — good luck to the man. I take my hat off to him. After all, the hardest battle for survival in this world doesn’t take place in a Siberian forest, or a Floridian swamp. It’s during the spring pitching round at Channel 4.

Mansfield Park (Sun) — ITV1’s first strike in its Austen season — came and went, leaving the world much the same place it was before it arrived. Despite having bagged the luminous Billie Piper for Fanny Price, ITV1 didn’t really have much for her to do, once she’d signed the contract — most of Mansfield Park seemed to consist of her running down stairs while giggling in a carefree manner, much in the manner of an advert for female sanitary protection. Personally, I’ve long been surprised that there isn’t a Jane Austen range of tampons — “Don’t make it a period drama!” “Sense and Mensesability!”

Finally, 100 Best Stand Ups (Sun, C4) ran the span of British comedy, from Bernard Manning’s mission statement (“I’ve said lots of right racist things, and I don’t give a f***.”) to Alexei Sayle’s opening line (“I’m Britain’s first revolutionary Marxist-Leninist comedian, and if you don’t laugh at me, you’re a bunch of fascist s***bags.”) with Eddie Izzard’s smokering observations on bees and jam in the middle. These list shows still do, against all the odds, while away an evening in a diverting manner. Except for the Joe Pasquale bits.

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