Andrew Billen on The Apprentice BBC One
The man, the films, those blondes. Free DVD collection starting this Sunday


In a league table of difficulty, selling coffee in Islington comes well below selling fridges to Eskimos. Islingtonians are like characters in The West Wing: they find walking difficult without a corrugated tankard of cappuccino in their hands.
It takes special incompetence not to sell to them. Naturally, however, half the new cast of The Apprentice still failed at the task as television’s nastiest beauty contest returned, deservedly promoted to BBC One, for a third season last night.
In The Apprentice Sir Alan Sugar chooses a young executive for a £100,000-a-year apprenticeship in his company. Over 12 weeks, the nation, meanwhile, decides which of 16 bumptious dreams it would most like smashed. In fact, the greatest punishment for aggression, duplicity and greed would be getting the Amstrad job. But we cannot afford to think like that. It would ruin everything.
Sir Alan is like a bear with a sore everything. “This is a job interview from Hell,” he promised the 16. But the wannabes would test anyone’s patience. “I am young and dynamic. I am not here to make friends,” said a scary woman. “When you can break bricks with your bare hands you believe you can do anything,” threatened a crop-haired bloke. “I have a huge amount of self-belief,” boasted a blonde, as if that were a good thing.
The candidates look meaner, if not leaner, than last year’s, and more likely to fight.
A tubby car sales manager emerged as head and tummy more irritating than the rest. “I am very ruthless. I want to be a success. I want to be a winner. I am a winner,” said Andy Jackson. All might have been well had he let the marketing consultant and the car salesman fight it out for the honour of skippering the boys’ team through week one.
Instead, ego enflamed, Andy threw his balls into the ring and the lads decided he was their man. “We work till we bleed,” he promised during a group hug. Then Sir Alan pulled a fast one and swapped the leaders. “I could not be happier. This is the best thing I ever hoped for,” Andy told the girls.
Soon they were buying several hundred litres too much milk and selling coffee for £1.50 outside a café charging 90p.
Although the storytelling in the film was uncharacteristically confused, it was clear that the girls were making a hash, not coffee, under his leadership.
“Andy, nice, not outstanding in any way, not really for the business world,” summarised transport development manager Gerri Blackwood, who does not believe in verbs and may be this year’s Ruth Badger.
Sir Alan agreed, and Andy “I am a winner” Jackson was fired. He chucked down his folder. His eyes moistened. “An absolute travesty,” he complained in his cab to obscurity.
So that leaves 15. They are still shadowy figures to us. Yet, within weeks, we shall know and despise them as intimately as our own colleagues.
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My god are these really the best of the best???? I don't think so. The show is great but it really has turned into just another reality show. What makes me laugh is that these are supposed to be managers of other companies. The ex army officer (not a real soldier) what a complete prat would the troops really have taken him serious. AS must cringe everytime he faces this lot and think to himself "I have got to give one of these muppets a job" If one of these people walked through his door in normal circumstances would he really give them a job.
wayne, Beds,
I love the way the programme cuts from the impressive city skyscrapers to the Amstrad HQ which is actually in Brentwood.... far removed from the city.
Amstrad is just over the road from Brentwood railway station (20 mins from Liverpool st.) - so it always makes me laugh as they film the sacked guy getting into a cab and travelling across a bridge over the Thames to what would be South London!
Do all the apprentice hopefuls live south of the river?
mark, 'ricay,
An immature bunch to say the least. Andy Jackson, over eager and under endowed in the matter of brain cells had loser written all over him, farewell. Jadine will go soon for the same reasons, no one will trust her given the alacrity with which she ''blamed'' her charges even though her team had won.
Is there a winner lurking among them ? He or She is keeping a low profie at the moment until the dross have been 'fired'.
David Morgan, Swansea,
Would you seriously employ any of them?????
Simon, Harrogate, England
Apart from him being a muppet, I cringed as Andy begged for AMS to reconsider "I want to be your apprentice" he begged and promised 110% - how can you give more than 100% anyway?
Unfortunately, I earmarked another 4 who will be getting a cab in the near future, it's a shame you can't do a bulk deal, but that's reality TV.
I'm surprised that no one dared to tell AMS that saying "you was" is dreadful grammar, 2nd person singular mixed with 3rd person is awful, personally, anyone who came to me asking for 100K p.a. and couldn't even master the most basic verb declension would be shot!!
Mark Massetti, Newport Pagnell,
Jazz is right, the sad truth is that probably 75% of the 'business population' have this weird belief that they are the bees knees, top flyers .. but it is all really hype, nonsense and BS .. where did they get this idea .. I work in this environment for my sins, and life has been a dream since I have not had to bump into these fools daily (SOHO worker me). The good guys are quashed by egocentric bullies .. oops, back to the point, yes totally, great to see a 'sample' of these people humiliated by Alan, maybe things will start to change? .. mm, pigs you say?, up there?
Nick, Oxford,
Sir Alan for president
ed , plaistow,
I think Andy Jackson should have been fired. He wa a weak manager and he seemed too much of a nice guy to handle the strong women. Well, what happened to Sophie buying 200 litres (or was it 20 litres) of milk? Some duff calculations here. There has got to be a margin of error. It is not just about mathematical ability or science knowledge (ie milk 'expands' when it froths she explains to Sir Alan), it is about business. One much anticipate how many cups of coffee they are going to sell, then buy about 6-7% more litres of milk than needed just in case you sell extra coffee but do not overestimate too much (common sense) otherwise it becomes waste! Also, one must check out the competition. If there are cafes selling coffee for 80p-90p, why sell yours for 1.50? Honestly, Andy look out of his depth, clueless and hopeless. He inflated his ego in order for him to rise to the challenge but it did not work. He needs to go back to what he knows best - selling second hand cars.
Greg, Staines, England
Really and truly, this is not the sort of tv I like, wifebeaters wives, desperate eastenders, and of course a slice of corrie-street for good measure! but out of all the people involve, sugar gets my vote, an up-front londener, who runs half the city, truly an icon, a must have for the mantle-piece, your hired your fired, tish-tosh-teesh I say, really and truly!
Montel Kenntra, london, uk
Having to work with these pretentious "Work hard, play hard" types is infuriating. So seeing them suffering on national TV is great fun!
Jazz, Berkshire,
It was obvious from the moment this guy opened his mouth, that he was going to fail. If this is what it takes to be a car sales manager, it doesn't take much. The guys couldn't believe their luck when like a puffed up peacock he put himself forward and then went into a corner to try and squirm his way out of it. The other guys knew he was pathetic the moment he started to talk, how anyone at his previous job took this guy seriously, is beyond me. Oh and the scientist can't calculate for toffee, but at least she looked like there might be one or two brain cells lurking there somewhere, but whether they're any good for the business world is yet to be seen.
polly, Middlesbrough,
You have to hope that this show is meant to be ironic. However, I feel it shows the abyss into which society as fallen as these unpleasant, worthless people show no more shame about their personalities than would a hoody that has mugged an old lady.
eddie reader, birmingham, uk
"A tubby car sales manager" ... "the marketing consultant" ... "the car salesman"
Wait a minute - didn't you last week print a quote from Sir Alan about how he didn't want any more salesmen after last year? And that he was personally supervising the selection process to make sure there weren't any?
Ian Kemmish, Biggleswade, UK