Tim Teeman
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How classy: metaphors in the final of The Apprentice! As the feral Tre Azam observed the fish swimming in the tank at the London Aquarium, he observed to finalist Simon Ambrose: “They’re piranhas? But they look so friendly.” “You haven’t seen their teeth,” Simon replied wearily — after 12 weeks he was covered in the nasty bite-marks of fellow contestants.
Tre was wonderstruck: “It’s amazing how many species live in harmony whereas humans find the smallest difference to fight about.” This was especially rich from a man who greets every pleasantry with a snarl. And especially rich in The Apprentice where the “smallest difference” yields the most extreme conflict.
It’s a mistake to think that this show is about business in either the producers’ or viewers’ minds. It’s entertainment — as Katie Hopkins, the cornfield-gambolling, marriage-wrecking villain from this latest series, perfectly understands. The fact that the participants in this pantomime wear suits rather than bikinis only makes it superficially classier than Big Brother.
The final was less memorable for the square-off between the eventual victor Simon and Kristina Grimes than for the riotous sniping between returning contestants drafted in to help them design a landmark building for London’s South Bank.
Tre continued to treat Rory Laing with vicious contempt: Simon promised his team a holiday in New York should he win; Tre, who hated his team and was hated in return, said the offer was like getting “stabbed in the eye with a rusty screwdriver”. Kristina sensibly marginalised the inconsequential Natalie and the dour, depressing Adam: when the sun is shining for everyone else, it’s raining on Adam.
For the final, both teams oversaw well-executed projects even though Simon’s building looked — from the wrong angle — disgustingly phallic and Kristina’s like a helter skelter that wouldn’t withstand a gust of wind. But their presentations were smooth and polished and Simon exhibited a winning, boyish charm: his hotel rooms would be “small boxes with gizmos”, which clearly tickled him.
Going into the final, Kristina had been the obvious favourite: her clear head seemed more suited for “sellin’” (one of Sir Alan Sugar's obsessions) than Simon's boy-inventor’s wide eyes. “I’m happy to be the joker but beneath the surface of this village idiot is someone quite smart,” he insisted.
The final boardroom was stripped of its usual hysterics. Both candidates were “very employable”, Sir Alan said; he was attracted to Kristina’s experience and expertise and Simon’s willingness to learn. His sidekicks were split: Nick Hewer wanted Simon to win, the wonderful Margaret Mountford chose Kristina.
Kristina's vision of a Sugar future was Stakhanovite and grim. She told Sir Alan that she would “lead from the front”, she would “bring in the money”. Simon pleaded, with real feeling, that he would work “all day and all night". "I will do whatever you tell me to do”, “I’ll work my cotton socks off for you”. This clumsy cliche won Darth Vader of Brentwood’s heart. “Bloody old fool that I am, I'm going to take that risk — Simon, you’re hired.”
Kristina was visibly upset, but not for the first time you were left thinking that she was too good to be The Apprentice — like the Badger last year. Simon, with his puppyish enthusiasm and chippy determination is actually a winner in the true spirit of the show's title. But the real surprise? Perhaps it’s another unforeseen consequence of global warming, but Sir Alan is definitely melting.
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I think the majority of people have missed the point that Sir Alan is a shrewd successful business man and as such has appointed someone that was not particularly good but has a millionaire father and no doubt has the contacts to go with them. It's not what you know but who you know as Kristina found to her cost.
Paul Harding, Exeter, UK
I havent watched this programme but I did see much of the last episode. I think it is worth appreciating that if Alan Sugar was taking part in this programme as a young man he would have been most unlikely to have been selected. Alan Sugar, himself, is a lucky man. Another point is that in a situation like this, power never aligns with the majority opinion, for obvious reasons, and the programme will have been arranged on that basis. In any event, it is a moot point as to whether this young man was Sugars personal selection. In a broader consideration of the whole programme, it is most unlikely to be the case.
Henry Percy, London, UK
Tre, from the dits shown on TV seem to grasp what was required in most of the tasks set. It was a shame he had to use foul language whenever he said something. But for this, his temper, and for not researching on Alan Sugar and his companies, he would have surely won the contest. However in my opinion Kristina was the better of the two finalist over the 12 week period, but think Alan Sugar went for youth, hence picking Simon as the winner
Salim, Manchester, England
Surely that Rory was supportive and gave so much tells us a lot about both Simon and Rory. Simon actually does have some team leading skills and Rory is a generous team player. Especially since a lot of his suggestions were dismissed and only he and Simon had the vision to go for it.
Tommo, Leeds, Yorkshire
At least he could spell decisions
Harry Verns, kingston, ontario
Who's Alan Sugar?
Francis Coggs, Dorchester, Dorset, UK
Well said John O'Donnell! I can't wait to hear that Kristina has landed a fantastic job. I have no doubt that she will!
Jacqueline Cooper Clarke, Hadleigh, , Suffolk
I suppose that at the end of the day a boss hires somebody who is manageable and is a sound financial investment. Amongst the candidates Simon is great value - his private education and Cambridge degree. Only time well tell if this was a good decision.
Anil, London, UK
Simon can be developed in a true Apprentice style.
Kristina is smarter and more capable but isn't an Apprentice, she's the finished goods. Too good for it.
Katie has clearly got a mental problems and needs to sort her life out with the help of a psychiatrist before she messes up not only another company or another marriage, but the lives of her two children.
Laura Roberts, London, UK
Kristina why oh why would you want to work for Sugar - you're much too accomplished to work for him - I look forward to seeing you on TV in a future series of your own - I am sure you will beinundated with offers.
Vi Brant, Maidstone, UK
You have to remember that Simon is highly intelligent and sometimes these people are a little awkward and can easily get pushed to one side, in favour of someone who is more out-going. Sir Alan would have been a fool to pass that boy up. And in the end Kristina came off as a little desperate and slightly unsportsmanlike. I thought she could have been more gracious in the interview segment.
In the second last episode, Simon was sitting in the interview reeling off facts, about Sir Alans company. This is the kind of information that does not fit well in normal everyday conversation, so the potential of someone like this could easily go unnoticed. Simon was good at the clever use of information and its presentation, and that why he was hired.
Roxanne, LONDON, UK
Shouldn't Rory have won the final, and not Simon? After all, it was his design, and the idea to use dancing girls at the start of the prepsentation, which helped to win it for Simon.
Shabir Ahmed, Leeds, West York
Very funny! You... you are joking, right.? OMG, you have got to be joking...
HG, London, UK
I find the opinions of some of you bemusing since the person that made the choice is no doubt far more knowledgeable, succesful and wealthier than most.
Brian, Bognor Regis, England
Shouldn't Rory have won the final, and not Simon? After all, it was his design, and the idea to use dancing girls at the start of the prepsentation, which helped to win it for Simon.
Shabir Ahmed, Leeds, West Yorks
Having watched the USA apprentice quite a few times, the quality of the British candidates was appaling plus the final selection. Simon squirmed his way through. From what I recall he didn't take a project management role till week 7 where they had a list of artcles to buy and had to negotiate. His leadership was pathetic in that task and they only won because Adam's team was fined because they didn't have the seeds. He should have been sacked in week 9, the team he was on lost and his only contribution was getting a contact list with loads of incorrect numbers that cost the rest of team dearly regards appointments. His next project management role the TV presentation was a disaster, his presentation and leadership. No let off. He is a bag of nerves at times and is easily led. The Yanks who watch the USA Apprentice would have a field day laughing and instaed of the Apprentice it should be called "Office Teaboy". Kristine was great and had the whole package. Too good for Alan Sugar.
John O'Donnell, Derby, UK
Tre was excellent, he carried the fool simon all the way, simon should thank Tre first then Sir Alan.
Alan, Luton, United Kingdom
Tre was a disaster. Thank god he didn't get any further. Don't forget the penultimate round when Simon outshone the rest, his intricate knowledge of the business was a big plus.
It was also great to see the arrogant, smirking and incredulous Tre fall from grace when his international conglomerate business was stripped apart... haha.
Simon is a very capable candidate and for once a nice, genuine and respectable person has won.
Business shouldn't be all about big headedness, arrogance and dogged determinism, it is useful to posses an ounce or two of humour, charm and humility.
Nick, London, UK
Sir Allan made the right dissision! Kristina was to good. I don't want her in my company, before you know it's her company. Simon is still young, he is good and will be better in the coming years. You can win a match with simonsss not with Kristinassss.
Japie, Exbourne, Devon
Kristina may have lost the battle but she will win the war. Bet she's already had another job offer or a huge rise from her current employer. If it hadn't been for his attitiude problem, Tre should have been in the final alongside her. Simon was a nobody really. I can still see him in total panic in the TV control room, not knowing what to say. And his design of building was total rubbish: I hope it never gets built because I shan't bother to go to London to see it. Another Dome waiting to happen. Maybe this decision was the result of the Michelle Dewberry disaster.
Brian, Plymouth,
Simon did not deserve to win, in my opinion. He may have had a couple of good ideas but was inconsistent over the entire 12-week period. However, as Sugar intends to have the winner fulfil a role in real estate, it is undeniable that Simon "fits the bill" more so than Kristina.
Kristina was the stronger of the 2 finalists, and ultimately is the true winner. Simon will be remembered as the twerp who was seen to be masturbating whilst trying to construct a trampoline live on national TV.
Calvin, Swindon, Wiltshire (not Berkshire)
Wake up! "The Apprentice" is about providing entertainment for those who have difficulty handling "Big Brother", Sir Alan was looking for someone who was "dead shrewd". How disappointed he must feel.
Bill, Taunton, UK
Why bother having so called 'trusted advisers' when you don't listen to what they say. Did Sir Alan not hear one of his advisers call Simon an 'underachiever who had had a classical education'. Watch this space - its harder to please an employer than to be an entrepeneur - Kristina has a track record and her employer thinks she his top performer. Who said anything like that about Simon? Any way was it really Sir Alan's decision.? HE looked very uncomfortable as he spoke..
V Dancer, Keighley, UK
This series of The Apprentice exposed just how contrived reality TV can be. Both possible outcomes of the final boardroom were shot (months ago it seems- it looked like winter) with requisite reactions. Then Simon and Kristina were told the result this week and that version was broadcast. It's a bit shabby really. It can't be that difficult logistically to make the final live. And week after week people were fired, picked up their little suitcases and appeared outside Sugar Towers wearing completely different clothes. But you're all quite correct, Ms Grimes was robbed
lee lloyd, London,
barcelona not new york.......
adam, london,
I thought there were some fantastic lessons to be learnt from the show if you ignored the infighting . Sir Alan's handling of Katie at the end was truely shrewd for one. There were some nuggets in the series and like any business you just have to look hard enough..
David, Wokingham, UK
Conratultions to Simon, but how did he win? was it not Tre who yet again made all the dississons for Simons team? I think sir Alan has mede a hugh mistake, he obviously never saw the same footagea the rest of the country! Kristina was by far the better choice she had all the atributes he needed to make this job a success. i wouldn't be suprised if sir Alan is in contact with her soon. Well done Kristina your are the real winner.
Peter Lee, merthyr tydfill, mid glmorgan
I also remember Simon promised Barcelona and I remember that later on he got excited and changed it to New York.
Doug Foster, Durham,
Unfairly for Kristina, could Allan Sugar risk coming within light-years of a repeat of last year's fiasco of a winner? Good luck, Kristina, whoever employs you will be getting the best.
Robert, Cambridge,
As Sir Alan gets older, he appears to be looking for a soulmate cum playmate whose career he can help to develop. Simon is therefore the obvios choice. He has: a sense of fun and adventure, creativity and imagination and bags of potential. He is an ideal buddy for Sir Alan.
Krstina was great, she's the finished article,she sould have no trouble finding the right job for her.
John Buswell, Badhoevedorp, The Netherlands
Couldn't believe how poor Katie was diabolised on national tv. Don't forget it was Kristina who fired off the hostilities by letting it drop that Katie was frolicking with Adam, and engaged in as much back-stabbing as the other blonde.
valpo, London,
I think Sir Alan made a good choice. Simon may not light any fires but he will not rock any boats or unleash any employee tribunals either. No point in losing all the money you made in compensation claims!
Just because he gets on with things quietly doesn't mean he is no good. In my experience, people who feel the need to stomp around shouting about how good they are never live up to expectations.
Simon will work to the best of his ability, and seems to be a man of his word, quite a nice change.
Sue S, Pinner, Middlesex
I like pie, it's the taste and great. That's what I said when I saw the final. Take your pie. It was a great showdown and what a great entertainment. It should be even better in the next one that goes ahead. Well done to the Simon, I think he deserved it very well. I'll eat the pie, and watch it again.
Shoshram Lubavitch, Swindon, Berkshire
Conratultions to Simon, but how did he win? was it not Tre who yet again made all the dississons for Simons team? I think sir Alan has mede a hugh mistake, he obviously never saw the same footagea the rest of the country! Kristina was by far the better choice she had all the atributes he needed to make this job a success. i wouldn't bsuprised if sir Alan is in contact ith he soon. Well done Kristina yor are the real winner.
Peter Lee, merthyr tydfill, mid glmorgan
If anybody should have been fired after the Shopping Channel disaster, it should have been the overgrown schoolboy Simon. He showed no direction to his team and his leadership qualities were lamentable. Sugar himself called him "a pillock". But then, it's his money and he has the right to make all kinds of bad decisions, as he did last year with Ruth Badger and this year with Simon Ambrose.
Alexander Hall, Hamburg,
I think both Kristina & Simon were worthy finalists and each had different positive qualities however, I think he made a mistake as Kristina was definitely the stronger choice.She worked incredibly hard with amazing consistency and I agree that this decision may well be down to the "Dewberry disaster".What a shame..
rachel byrne, Wexford, Ireland
Of all the candidates interviewed by the 'friends' of Sir Alan, only Kristina was given a positive opnion. They ALL said they would employ her, etc, no doubts, ifs and buts, compared to the comments regarding the others. Strange that he seemsed to want and value their opinions, then completely rejected them when it came to the crunch. Kristina seemed to be the coolest, most capable and powerful of the lot and a good motivator.
N.C.Granby, Milan, Italy
The title of the show "Apprentice"... at first brings to mind someone who needs shaping and teaching in the fine art of a craft. I jumped to the online dictionary for the meaning of Stakhanovite but I do know the meaning of Apprentice!
Simon has already slipped up this morning on the Fern Britain TV show and underlines the description of Apprentice - a beginner; a learner; novice; tyro; works for an expert to learn a trade. Perfection is over rated. Simon's going to fall over many times - but it's Sir Alan's duty to steer his naive apprentice in Sir Alan's chosen trade.
Kristina unmistakingly apprenticed some time ago and is a lovely example of how women can function in a business world !... I would love to employ her if I wasn't such an early entrepreneur myself, she IS and WILL always be an asset... but apprentice -she clearly isn't.
Martin Sansone, Lincoln, United Kingdom
Actually the show was true to form. Alan Sugar always picks the more "flaky" of any two finalists. You would have thought he would have learned after last year's disastrous employment decision.
John, Sandhurst, Berkshire
Yet another TV programme that left you wondering why?Simon, failed to display any leadership quality throughout the series and many of his 'successes' were inspirational not logical. Is he someone you could leave to run a project for you, never.
Jeremy Stanton, Horsham, UK
Kristina said "I lied, that's what you do in sales"
Does Sir Alan really wish to be associated with that kind of comment?
To be honest I wouldn't have let either feed my cat, but I guess for a £100,000 it's a cheap ad for Amstrad.
Ken Wyatt, Todmorden, UK
If it is to be based on the final 'test' then Simon deserved to win. The main problem is that we only get exerts on the TV. The 'Badger' should have won last year, based on the final test, where she made more money. I also recall that the holiday that Simon promised was Barcelona, not New York.
David Leslie, Perth, Scotland
Would some wealthy entrepreneur please offer Kristina the kind of stimulating, well-paid job she deserves? No, she wasn't "The Apprentice" - she is too experienced and capable to be placed in that category - but she is DEFINITELY a winner. Her demeanour throughout the 12 weeks was professional and pleasant. That kind of dignity under pressure is to be applauded. Well done, Kristina - you are worth your weight in gold!
Brenda, Aberdeen,
I think Simon is brilliant! Kristina may have the selling-edge now but that is just experience. Given the right training and opportunitiees (which he now has) by Kristina's age, not undermining how fantastic she was, he will have surpassed her.
He is also the most adorable person in tv I have seen fo a long while-funny, honest, intelligent and GORGEOUS. what more could Sir Alan want?!
Lauren, Wirral, UK
Adam dour? I don't know if he has any personality but he has the most amazing eyes, deep, dark pools. I hope someone grabs him and puts him to good use.
Franny, Lincoln,
Poor Kristina - she should have won. Shades of the Dewberry ripple - Sir Alan wary of another woman leaving him? I wonder.... She woz robbed!!
Margaret, Canterbury, UK
Kristina was the obvious choice. She excelled throughout. You just wonder is it just to create theatre and please the audience. Kristina did not fit the script.
Patrick, Arnhem, Netherlands
I think Sir Alan felt that Kristina would walk into a great job anywhere (and she will if she wants to move) and that Simon possibly wouldnt given previous experience and somewhere was a soft streak that felt Simon needed the chance more than Kristina would. You could see it in his eyes and I hope he does really well. Sometimes we all need a break when its least expected.
I also suspect that Amstrad maybe have no trouble getting managers but do have trouble getting slightly off the wall yet up with trends "entrepreneurial types" which they may well need as usually they want to work for themselves or somewhere a bit more "funky"
Vicky, Canterbury, UK
Why are you so hostile of Tre? I don't think apart from Rory any other contestant truly hated him.
Prasad, Shrewsbury,