Every Easter must have its Serious Jesus drama - but every Serious Jesus drama has an irony inherent in it. And it is this: stylistically, biblical epics are a mess. You start off watching some dusty, improving historical re-creation in the Middle East - all very BBC Four - and then, suddenly, it all goes a bit Narnia: people flying around, talking to herbaceous borders and rising from the dead. The dialogue is a series of catchphrases (eye of a needle, you have forsaken me, before the cock crows, blah blah blah blah) that make the whole thing seem like a very uptight, ecumenical version of The Fast Show. And, of course, we always know the endings.

I have no idea whom such a genre of drama would appeal to. Let's face it - if people hadn't invented biblical epics yet, they wouldn't bother now.

So with all these worries in mind, here's The Passion. The portents for this project (new star in the sky, rain of frogs, feature in the Times Magazine) are good. This is, after all, produced by Nigel Stafford-Clark - the man who serialised Bleak House, and made it seem like a hotshot goth version of EastEnders. And Stafford-Clark's Serious Jesus idea is razzy: to strip the Easter story over a week, in almost newsy bursts, with loads of back story and characterisation. There are no Wicked Romans, Evil Priests and “Satan entering Judas” here - just a bunch of people coping with a very intense week in Middle Eastern politics. It's almost like Newsnight has started making dramas.

So here we have James Nesbitt as Pontius Pilate - a reasoning, thinking Pilate who, theoretically, has the option of flicking through Yellow Pages to find a “Revolutionary Messiah Removals” company. There's Ben Daniels's High Priest, Caiaphus - not the usual “bad man in a big hat”, but someone with a wife, kids and encamped Roman army to manage. And Paul Nicholls's Judas gets a sympathetic hearing, too - but then, Judas always does, in modern dramas. We all relate to Judas. We all know we're all just one mis- addressed e-mail away from a similarly awkward “blooper” with a colleague.

In short, The Passion goes to great, and very effective, lengths to show that the Crucifixion of Jesus wasn't, really, some inescapable, good v evil mega-battle, like Lord of the Rings. It was, instead, the biggest Snafu (an army acronym, for “Situation Normal - All F***ed Up”) in history. Yes - from an historical and, indeed, educational, point of view, The Passion is pretty much flawless.

My problem with The Passion is, I suspect, my problem with all biblical stories. It's all so hard. Firstly, it's really difficult to identify with a bunch of very uptight, very formal people who say things like “One day, the Romans will devour each other, and not us, and we'll be free of their pagan rule.” I'm sorry, but I just can't believe in an oppressed proletariat who don't say things like “Those sodding great gay-boy Romans”.

Similarly, for a Middle Eastern city in the middle of a great feast, the cinematography is oddly flat. This Jerusalem has no sweat, spice or sunsets - just flat adobe walls, dry bread and unhappy faces. To say the very least, it's not a great big chocolate box-y treat for your Sunday night.

And, mostly importantly, this Jesus and his Apostles are pretty hard to get a handle on. Joseph Mawle's Jesus is resolutely not from the Fonz School of Jesuses - all easy charisma and simple iconography. Instead, he's a rather introverted Marxist revolutionary - a difficult mix to love at the best of times - using a couple of premeditated publicity stunts to wind up the priests. The Apostles, meanwhile, don't really come across as a band of impassioned acolytes, implacably bound together after years of travelling and preaching, in the same way that, say, Chachi, Potsy, Joanie and Ralph Malph would. They spend all their time going, “Ooh Jesus, I don't know if that's a good idea,” or “Why don't we go home now, Jesus?”

If you're hoping to be swept away in a religious frenzy of belief, you've come to the wrong place. This Passion is all about facts and motive. It shows you the politics behind the Passion - but not any passion. It's oddly Godless. Which is why, in the end, for a biblical epic, I like it. But Jesus! It's hard to watch.

The Passion starts Sunday, BBC One, 8pm

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