Tim Teeman
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Hang on: is this a reality show or a haircare advert? Have you ever seen men with such overstyled barnets? Sir Alan Sugar may claim that The Apprentice is about business, but the beauty parade and combustible personalities of the contestants make a mockery of claiming a higher purpose for this ratings-winner. That recalls the hopeless vanity of the television soap operas which for years demanded to be called – if you don’t mind – “continuing dramas”.
The fourth season of The Apprentice returned with its customary, coloured-up, panoramic views of Canary Wharf and thunderous classical music, both of which are utterly misleading. For one, Sir Alan Sugar’s HQ is in Brentwood (here’s a challenge, BBC: we want swooping shots of Brentwood), and for another The Apprentice is really Big Brother clothed in the drag of “business”. Many business people must watch it askance - ineptitude and bullying almost always supersede teamwork and professionalism.
The Apprentice is about watching beautiful egomaniacs squabble, exhibit delicious hubris and eventually get skewered by Sir Alan in boardroom confrontations so tense that they are best watched with a cushion to clutch as the buck-passing and insults reach, with clock-ticking inevitability, that final growled: “You’re fired!”
If TV shows – and reality shows in particular – survive to their fourth season, they lose their way. Too many tricks. Not The Apprentice. It is masterfully conceived and tightly directed. At the outset we have the contestants’ grandiloquent claims: “The spoken word is my tool,” said Raef Bjayou, with a dangerous quiff and vowels so plummy he made Noël Coward seem a chav.
There was a cavalcade of impressive-sounding jobs. Sara Dhada is an “international car trader”; what is that? She has a short fuse and is already complaining about being interrupted. Lucinda Ledgerwood, in purple beret and well versed in Greek, seemed to be an extra from Midsomer Murders rather than a thrusting young executive.
“I’m quite happy to cut people out of my life if I think it will help me get success,” said the improbably named Michael Sophocles. Claire Young claimed, joltingly, to be like the aggressive family dog.
If, as many of the contestants claim, they are already almost running the world, or at least “sales teams of around 30 people”, then why do they want to become an apprentice of any kind?
For their first task, the teams – as in previous years, split initially along gender lines – had to sell fish at Chapel Market in Islington, North London. The swaggering claims of innate skill and superiority immediately crumbled: the fish were misnamed, mispriced and one particularly unfortunate animal had its head mercilessly bashed on a slab.
Sir Alan’s “eyes and ears”, Margaret Mountford and Nick Hewer, looked on despairingly. In a hideous scene the boys’ team was thoroughly worked over in a solicitor’s office – not the place to get a brilliant deal of any kind. Rather than the desired £130, the canny, and thoroughly patronising, legal eagles paid only £50 for the last of the boys’ fish.
Class war ensued. The northerner Alex Wotherspoon, who led the losing boys’
team, laboured tiresomely over individuals’ mistakes. This led to a posh
southern boys’ revolt, and when he took Bjayou and lawyer Nicholas de Lacy
Brown back into the boardroom for the confrontation with the Grumpy Garden
Gnome on High, de Lacy Brown, whose only failure to date was a B-grade GCSE,
whinged that he felt alienated because he liked art rather than football.
Yes, he liked football, Wotherspoon said – but also had a degree. Sir Alan,
not known for his love of educated people with posh accents, fired de Lacy
Brown who, for a lawyer, displayed remarkably scant oratorical prowess. It’s
early days, but the dangerous quiff might be the one to watch – or at least
snigger at.
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The Apprentice really makes great television and although I am beginning to see the similarities of Big Brother very subtly emerging, what can you expect from rating-hungry BBC producers other than this? Sir Alan Sugar is only interested in finding an apprentice, he has enough money.
Ewan, Kirkmichael, Ayrshire
I think the name of the show should be changed from The Apprentice to Rascism In Action.
A. Shah, London,
I liked the show till yet, but its showing more of the bullying and this series I have seen bit of racism against sara dhada,
Zohair, Plymouth,
I find the programme very disturbing as it shows that bully and ruling on weak is the tool to win the race.They should punish who tries to be cheat and bully other candidates.It would prove better example rather then showing people that it is accaptable for a person to be liar as long as job is done
Shree, North London,
Perhaps Sir Alan should consider for his next series of The Apprentice to look at 15 people that are unemployed, in receipt of Jobseekers etc. Often these people for no fault of their own have found themselves out of work due to redundancy and other reasons.
I am sure most, if not all, have more initiative, saffy and ability to succeed than the motley crew he's got at the moment. Not one of them seems to have any common sense at all.
Sir Alan bangs on about his humble beginnings perhaps he should look in that direction rather than candidates who are already earning in excess of 50-90 grand. God knows how some of them came about that kind of salary.
annamaria smart, Hampshire,
This programme is not meant to be a realistic depiction of how to get ahead in business. Such a programme would be far too frightening, dispiriting and plain nasty. Best to stick to this pantomime version, and avoid the lawsuits. Unfair dismissal, sexism, racism and work place bullying don't make for good tv.
Do they....?
Stephen, London, UK
I was laughing so ahrd by the time the boys started laying blame atthe end in front of Sugar!
I could not believe that they all actually were grown up an dhad actual jobs!
I cant wait to watch this week's episode myself as i hope the 'leader' of the boys gets the boot!
Mo Ajayi, Ballyclare, Northern Ireland
How do these people get a job in the first place??? They have no idea what goes on in the real world. Do you think they all survive on M&S ready meals? Everyone knows that lobster either bought in a shop or in a restaurant is the most expensive thing on the menu!
Brilliant , jaw dropping viewing and can't wait for Raef and the greasy Michael Sophocles to get their comeuppance!
We haven't seen the whinging girls in full throttle yet!! Can't wait for next weeks episode.
Carol Jelenska, Fulham, London
Usual bunch of egomaniacs...albeit better eyecandy this year! A highly entertaining program....Alan and his two chums are hilarious....every company should have a Margaret and Nick...Alex did well not to bop some of the boys on the nose....the one who was fired deserved it - he came across as immature and an academic who was out of his depth. On the basis of one program I am gunning for Alex ......
Mark Lewis, Manchester, UK
I question why anyone would want to leave a well-paid career to do such demeaning tasks. Something doesn't stack up, but it's good fun to watch and talk about.
The real winner is Sir Alan, who gets free publicity. The Apprentices never last, because they were never good in the first place. £100K p.a. is not bad to get free publicity on prime time television.
Garry Sukhija, London, UK
right on duncan bannatyne...the contestants are overblown egos and sugar a parody of the businessman he was when he built amstrad. the programme should ber about demonstrating your acumen and variety of business skills...not scoring petty points off each other...that's not teamwork!
phil durrant, York,
v. good show but remember its only light entertainment. Most of the candidates only have their experiences from a desk or from a spreadsheet - put them in a real situation and they are lost. As the fish session displayed.
peter, wgc,
These people sum up what's wrong with modern "executives": it's all big egos, flash suits, good hairstyles, loud mouths, MBAs, and an encyclopedic knowledge of all the latest management buzzwords.
Unfortunately these are the kind of idiots who seem to win and get ahead in business, while those with real talent and ability are often left to do the actual work and pick up the pieces.
Chris K, Cheltenham, UK
Clearly the male would-be Apprentices were chosen for their hairstyles rather than their sales ability. None of them seemed to have an ounce of business acumen but were all wonderfully turned out, like a group of dandies. Maybe taking so long to get ready in the morning has had a detrimental impact on their commercial skills.
The women, on the other hand, displayed the usual hatchet-faced demeanour that seems to be common to female contestants on the show for some reason.
MB, Edinburgh,
If this is the best to country has to offer, no wonder the top firms in the City hire foreign staff.
Jim McLean, London, UK
I hate this programme, it's a waste of a licence fee producing capitalist propaganda for a society that's too competitive and selfish.
Instead the BBC should have a programme with Tony Benn interviewing aspiring politicians and kicking out all the careerists.
Andrew , London , UK
These contestants are not true entrepreneurs. No entrepreneur would ever consider working for someone else. This is a game show and most are purely on there for publicity. And it's probally about time Sugar was replaced, he is a dinosaur who probally would not cut it in today's business world.
Duncan Bannatyne, Darlington,
I think they are a bunch of incompetent contestants - even my daughter who is 14 could make a kill and sell at a profit!!!! Get the 'real' people please!!!!!
wendy meynell, Surrey, UK
I agree, referring to Sir Alan as a "garden gnome" is cheap, funny but cheap.
And I don't think that authentic and capable business people watch this for anything other than entertainment.
Rosemary, London,
Now that Curb Your Enthusiasm (the funniest programme on TV) Series 6 has ended I thought I wouldn't be laughing out loud at the TV for a while. Luckily the Apprentice has arrived back on our screens, it was hilarious!! Love Adrian Chiles show as well! My Wednesday nights are booked for the next couple of months!!
Sarah, York, UK
We should stop worrying about the candidates and enjoy the fun. The only downside to this programme is that one of these dumb people is going to get £100K at the end.
Ned, Bradford,
Undoubtably entertaining and you might say the contestants get what they deserve for being arrogant and for being arrogant enough to enter in the first place, but there is no doubt that the experience completely breaks some people( one highly educated ex-contestant is now just laying a bit of decking now and again following his utter humiliation and being labelled a loser).
I don't like the impression that lying, bullying and blaming others is how to get on in business and hope that viewers will not feel that that is how they should conduct themselves.For this reason I won't be watching Apprentice USA, but might just be tempted by Alan Sugar
Jane, Pembrokeshire,
Well ime a classless, uneducated, mature woman...... a huge fan of this programme, it shows experience in life is the key to success....Love it, enjoyed the firing and it was well deserved... Alan Sugar is so entertaining as he listens to them trying to explain chaos! Be interesting to see who wins this one.
alexandra, southsea, UK
I think Tom from Dundee is a bit short-sighted if he thinks that educated barristers who haven't had the misfortune to see the poverty that is Dundee are all that is wrong with society. Furthermore, I don't think travelling will help Nick decipher Tom's appalling grammar so he can "understand what i [sic] am saying."
The Apprentice is meant to entertain us and that is why the producers have chosen a bunch of eccentrics; they are court jesters recruited for our viewing pleasure and should not be taken seriously. Like Big Brother, in no way are the contestants a reflection on our society and especially not on barristers.
Tom and other social commentators on this page should lighten up and save their class warfare for the ballot box.
Pete N, London,
An excellent start to what I think is one of the most interesting and addictive programmes on TV. One thing that really annoys me though, if you can't watch it live but have to Sky+ or Tivo it, you have to be so careful not to see then banging on about it in the news the next morning and to avoid seeing reports of who was kicked out appearing in the press. Accidentally finding out can ruin your day.
Neil Braeman, Bournemouth,
Before the apprentice came on to our screens, no-one knew who Sir Alan was. This is not meant as disrespect, but fact. From speaking to a contestant it is clear that the show is highly orchestrated and I take no more pleasure in watching the show. Quite frankly, it is boring.
Kris, Bristol,
Why do lawyers go in for this show? Completely the wrong environment.
I agree with one of the comments made above; Sir Alan represents common sense. I am currently reading Sir Alan's book, "The Apprentice", and it's full of common sense business tips.
There is a point to all this. Anyone from any social and cultural background can be an entrepreneur. Just use the advice.
Many of the problems with the young apprentices are linked to that - i.e. they are young.
Catherine J Gilsenan, Darlington,
To Rose and Greg of the UK,
The Apprentice was nearly cancelled after season 2 due to low ratings, but NBC decided to keep it around because they had nothing better to show, and also because they wanted to experiment with a Martha Stewart version. Ms Stewart's show barely lasted a season and Trump's Apprentice has pulled in less and less viewers since. It's safe to assume it will be cut pretty soon. But I must admit, lots of people watched the first season.
JJ, Columbus, USA
I find it difficult to believe that any of them have paid work of any kind, and that has gone for most of the previous series. The streets of London really must be paved with gold if this lot get anything like they'd have us believe.
David Leslie, Perth, Scotland
I can never ever understand why people cant simply listen. They interrupt each like as if tomorrow is never going to come. The Dhada girl broached the subject after having been sent to find out about pricing, instead of the others listening, they all piped in togethor, not having the patience to listen to what was being discussed. Now, Tim is already calling her a 'whinger'.
They're all simply too interested in trying to do things rather than thinking rationally first. Selling the fish without checking pricing, selling without knowing what they're selling. Going to offices without know what the bottom line price was. Its terrible.
Get rid of all of these people.
The only worthy people out of the whole 4 season have been:
Tim and the Badger!
Nasa, Knutsford, UK
I really enjoyed the first episode, and it will be interesting to see who wins. I think Alex will get the chop next, and felt sorry for the fist victim who was made a scape goat. But I found it very amusing the way Sir Alan fired him. Excellent t.v..
Demos Kalliades, Northolt, England
Good car crash tv, although the idea of an apprentice is one who is yet to cut their teeth in the trade.
Perhaps s'ralan should look at finding true raw talent rather than blaggers and braggers?!
Debs, Stowmarket,
Basic mistake for many at work, he didnt know his audience/boss.
A posh accent deriding lack of education & a working class liking for football, he openly mocked what Alan Sugar is & likes.
Tim, warwick,
Great television, but I'm not sure whether the three candidates needed three separate cars to drive them to the boardroom. Carbon footprints people.
julian, shrewsbury, uk
What a hoot! This promises to be a great series, with the contestents seeming to be the biggest load of self satisfied twerps so far.
They should bear in mind three things:-
1. People who are always banging on about how good they are usually aren't.
2. You don't make yourself look any better by drawing attention to the ineptitude of others.
3. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 110% !
sue, Harrow, Middlesex
I hate everything about this show. The combination of the unbridled ego trip for the inverted snobbery of Alan Sugar coupled with the out pourings of the self impressed contestants who purportedly offer the best of our business society stinks !!
Why can't we substitute it for a show where pleasant, decent young people have an opportunity to show why people like me prefer to do business with those who promote honesty, integrity, truth and personality.
Oh yes, I remember, that kind of TV doesn't sell and hey it can't be all bad, my wife likes it !!!!
Don, Horsham, UK
How deliciously cringeworthy was the Boardroom scene with Nicholas, Raef and Alex?! Welcome back The Apprentice - last night's show made my day.. Tim Teeman's insights are hilarious and spot-on.
Helen, Dublin, Ireland
Again, fabulous, love it ! Everyone has opinions on who they like and don't like but without the quirky annoying ones, it would not be the success it is! I just could not stop laughing at the tofts last night, at one point De Lacy Brown looked like he was going to faint! The boys will obviously be spending more time on their hair that the girls! Why is it that the Lee McQueen chap looks so familiar, I am sure I have seen him on tv before, maybe an advert or something?
Sam, Leeds,
I wish Sir Alan had questioned the decision of taking the fish to an office to sell !! They should be happy about the £50 they received.
Anna, London,
The majority of these arrogant youngsters, seem to have convey the feeling that they would be unable to run any small business dealing with normal people, who seem far more truthful. I feel few of them would sell me anything!
DAVID VINTER, Louth, Lincs., UK.
What a bunch of plonkers, I wouldn`t hire any of them,still at
least they give the rest of us a laugh!
R.Roe, Brighton, Sussex
Hi Ken Wyatt from Toddmorten. Yes I would buy an ice cream from them, because it would be half the price on the label. No wonder this country is going backwards.
Gary Cramphorn, Tavistock, England
As an entrepreneur, I would seriously doubt the business acumen of any person who decides to get into a TV Show giving up upto four months of their life - for a 6.25% chance of getting a 100,000 salary guaranteed for only 1 year ......... these guys are indeed and will remain apprentices.
Alok Sharma , Welwyn Garden City , UK
this is just genius television!!!
mark w, uk,
Cringeworthy viewing. Many are very arrogant, or confident depends how you look at it. I guess with 20,000 applicants the remaining 16 aren't going to be nice.
Jon, Wolverhampton, UK,
Why is that everyone takes these programs so seriously?
Why can't we just accept that The Apprentice is just plain entertaining and a great show to watch after a stressful day. There are few programs that my husband and me really enjoy watching together but this is definitely one of them.
I love Tim Teeman's comment about 'overstyled barnets' but what really made us laugh was Nicholas de Lacy Brown's 'I'll be back' shades..classic!
Liz, Welwyn Garden City, UK
The point Tim Teeman misses in his rather waspish comment is that Sir Alan represents common sense - a rare quality; he is a doer not a talker.
This was well illustrated in the closing scenes last night in which he looked on bemused as his aspiring apprentices squabbled squeakily about their educational attainments and cultural tastes all of which had nothing to do with the price of fish.
I like the progamme because it exposes posturing and hypocrisy and cuts through the blame shifting and glib verbiage to focus on the real task.
I think referring to Sir Alan as a "garden gnome" is cheap.
Michael, Abingdon,
Alex to win!!
Clare , Birmingham ,
In the same way that 'who wants to be a millionaire' should be re-titled 'who wants to win 32k and call it a day'. 'The apprentice' should be called 'Who is brash, cocky, over-educated and under-brained, desperate for exposure, has their own web-site, wants a consultancy and would like to be invited onto the BBC sofa at regular intervals to lecture us how to live our lives. The only bits worth watching are probably on the cutting room floor! Another spin-off methinks!
ian, Wokingham, england
Train wreck television , this lot couldn't tell a cod from a kipper.
Still fourteen over inflated ego's due for certain derailment. What a wheeze,
Iain B, High Littleton , England
Apprentice,
You're tired!
JC, London,
But it is hilariously funny! And we all know that the real purpose of the UK show is to puncture our stupid class system that says the best person for the job is a young, middle class, highly educated white male professional!
The prize may be questionable (and risibly meagre by City standards) but the exposure is priceless. Surely Mr Young Barrister now has a degree of national recognition that he may never have achieved just through hard work at the Bar.
And it does help you see the kind of person ('I like Art not Football'), with a grade A in Maths but cannot tell the difference between pounds and kilos, who is prized by the legal profession.
Brilliant fun!
MS, London, England
Pure comedy gold
John, Woking, Surrey
Its fun watching these posh blokes who have never been part of the real world looks like they have never done a days work in there lives and this program just gives barristers a bad name, this kid if i may be so bold as to call him that thought because he passed a few exams he was better than anybody else, people like him are whats wrong with our society he needs to travel to see poverty and maybe he will understand what i am saying.
TOM, Dundee, Scotland
Ian Kemmish needs to get his facts straight. The Apprentice is still going strong in the U.S. and is now in its SEVENTH season (which hopefuly Piers Morgan in Celebrity Apprentice will win tonight!)
Rose P, Stevenage, UK
They are currently show Series 7 of The Apprentice in the US.
So not sure why Ian thinks there were only 2???
Greig Stewart, London,
I actually auditioned for this series to see what it was like - whilst there I met a young woman on the fast track within the NHS, and we spent the day together - she was smart, funny and came across incredibly well. Neither of us got past day one (an 8 hour day mind), and when I think of how talented she was, compared to the freak show on display in this series, it seems that either the producers are looking for characters over talent, or the camera turns people into muppets.
I stil love watching the show, the same way I enjoy the X Factor for cringe-value, and so long as Alan Sugar is there to puncture the egos, I hope it runs and runs.
Ross, Ripon, North Yorkshire
Fantastic TV.
Can't understand the viewers who take it seriously, if this really was a programme about succeeding in business it would be as dry as a bone.
Skerritt to win!
MH, Billericay, Essex
Where do they find these people? How difficult is it to:
1. Take the price you bought an item for
2. Multiply it by 1.3
3. Write down the result
??
People like this make me fume. Its always the plonker who shouts the loudest who gets the attention. You can't be telling me this group of people were the best of 16,000 applicants?
Richard, Tunbridge Wells, UK
Would you really buy an ice cream from ANY of 'em?
Ken Wyatt, Todmorden, UK
Where do they get them from! Over-inflated egos, mind-blowing incompetence, complete 'non-team minded' approach. Well, it makes compelling comedic viewing.
Do any of these guys really believe that they can cut the mustard?
Would you buy a used car from any of them?
Oh what joy to see such idiots prove their foolishness.
Jerry Latham, Uttoxeter, England
The genius of "The Apprentice" lies in the the pomposity and pretention of the majority of it's contestants. They all talk a good fight until they are in most cases actually asked to do any bloody work.
In that sense Alan Sugar is wonderful to watch. Watching the 'London boy done good' butcher the pampered over-educated little egos with brutal common sense and often the most simple of analysis just makes my week when the series is running.
And then of course there all the ironies; that Sugar's offices are no-where near Canary Wharf, that the apprentice job actually carries what in City terms is a bit of a poxy salary, and the knowledge that any genuinely savvy & talented enough kid can go into the city and probably get the same job or better with just two interviews.
Loving it again already :o)
John, Bournemouth,
The kak handed way in which this simple task of selling fish was handled was beyond belief. Based on their performance in the task none of them should be lined up for a 100k a year job.
Pleeeese, you do not need a first class honours degree to put a 30% mark up on the wholesale prices and sell the product. I would venture an 11 year old with or without a calculator could perform that task.
Roger, Leeds,
Such a nasty bunch of souless wannabe executives. Its horrible in a sad sad way.
Bob, London, UK
Where do they get these insufferable people from? Surely they should ALL be fired... immediately.
Luciano, Bristol, England
"The Apprentice" is a rare example of US audiences showing more taste and discretion than UK audiences. Donald Trump got cancelled after two series.
Maybe this is a reflection of business culture in the US - more Americans actually know what real business is like?
Ian Kemmish, Biggleswade, UK
They are all a complete bunch of Muppets!
But it is entertaining â only at their expense.
Richard Lancaster, London,
Compulsive and hilarious viewing. I haven't laughed so much since Boris Johnson presented 'Have I got news for you'. A star is born in the form of Raef, certainly in the comedic sense. I hope he lasts until the last episode, until then the only place to be on Wednesday night will be in front of the TV.
John, Woking, Surrey
Goya or Cezenne ? No it was Nick !!!
Ian Payne, WALSALL,
And so it begins! Second out, round four. Judging from initial assessment of the characters involved in this years, The Apprentice it is going to hugely enjoyable. So many egos to puncture.
Stephen, St. Ives, England
Saying that ineptitude and bullying supersede teamwork and professionalism and claiming this is a trait of the show and not the real business is dilluded. Having worked for several different companies, one of which is a market leader I can confidently say that the former occurr much more often than the latter.
I agree that the show does not quite recreate a business environment but this is not possible due to the nature of the competition. There is no space for teamwork when egos and the determination to win are too uncontrollable.
Long live King Alan and his show, it is brilliant television.
Phil, leeds, UK