Last night, it was decision time: Ken v Boris, Tories v Labour, and, before the swingometer took centre stage, age versus youth: The Invisibles (BBC One) v The Inbetweeners (E4). At least in this election – despite the spookily similar names – there was one clear winner and no need for a recount, or staying up till all hours in the vain hope that Robert Peston might appear and start squawking about Nick Clegg’s budget plans. (A boy’s gotta find his pleasures where he can.)

The loser, the shambolic, hopeless, where-are-the-matchsticks-to-keep-my-eyelids-from-closing-FOREVER loser, was The Invisibles, which finally appeared after weeks of trailers featuring spidery, abseiling figures, implying a drama with the stylistic dash of The Thomas Crown Affair. That, like the drama itself, was a con. Anthony Head and Warren Clarke played Morris and Sid, a pair of past-it cat burglars – legends, we were told, called “The Invisibles” – who apparently were so marvellous in their day that they robbed from royalty. But now, older and slightly rickety, they were trying to go straight in a quiet seaside town.

Fatefully, this was also a drama with something to say – something obvious and clunking – about ageing. Over and over again. The Invisibles, you see, also refers to the elderly within society. So, Morris (Head) hated the new block of flats that he and his wife (Jenny Agutter) moved into because they were for old people and had smoke alarms; and under the door drifted leaflets for coffee mornings and bridge-for-beginners’ courses.

This was a potentially rich dramatic seam (Morris didn’t feel old, despite being a bit rusty at safe-cracking). “We were the best, we’re not any more,” Morris banged on every five minutes. Head’s accent drifted all over the place, from South Ken to East Ham, and eventually settled for a rocky outcrop in the Thames Estuary. Clarke looked like a baffled toad. Agutter was so fragrant she should have been attended by a cartoon chorus of woodland nymphs.

Lame drama chafed against lamer comedy. The duo first tried to burgle a friend’s place as practice (they banged their knees, leading to more grumbling about ageing). The tone went absurdly Mission: Impossible as they prepared to rob a gangland chief’s place (expensive bits of kit, slinky music). But they were caught, beaten up and eventually saved by the pub landlord, a younger guy in thrall to them because his dad was once part of their gang.

To match Morris’s grouchiness, I’ll say that burglary is unpleasant, burglars are not to be celebrated, especially ones such as Morris and Sid, so totally lacking in comedic value. Surely we live in an age in which the myth of the gentleman criminal is tarnished: the subtext of The Invisibles is that crime was once a stylish business, with swaggering sophisticates robbing for the hell of it rather than the next crack fix, which is tosh. Anyway, Morris and Sid are dislikeable, inept, poorly characterised crooks. I hope they get collared or someone nicks their free bus passes.

The rude, juvenile comedy in The Inbetweeners proved sharper. Posh sixth-former Will has landed at a suburban comprehensive. At first his classmates hate him, but he blithely ignores their insults and insinuates himself into a group of foul friends. He is a brilliant teenage mix: insouciant, confident, vicious, scared and offended when all the boys fantasise about having sex with his mother. “She’s so sexy she could be a prostitute,” one observes. The actors look so much older than 17.

Every line is polished and nasty. When one dad gives his son £20 for the pub, he asks him, “Promise me you won’t spend it on the fruit machines”. “I can’t do that,” the son replies. Will, frustrated at not being served, tells the barman that the other drinkers are underage (“Look at that bum fluff – 16, look at that bra – it’s padded”), making him even more unpopular.

The second episode began with a disabled girl getting hit in the face with a Frisbee and progressed through (somehow inoffensive) homophobia and Will terrifying a seven-year-old that his parents were about to be vaporised in a dirty bomb in London. The floppy hair and spoddy specs are a disguise. He is, as he said, “hard”, and very, very funny.

Out of the box

— In a week of important votes, let’s not forget the most important. The British Soap Awards take place tomorrow (ITV1 screens the highlights on Wednesday). Of the categories with nominations already announced, here is our wish-list.

Best comedy performance: Katherine Kelly (Becky in Corrie); dramatic performance: Emma Rigby (Hannah in Hollyoaks); spectacular scene: Claire driving her car off the cliff, Hollyoaks; young actor: Eden Taylor-Draper (Belle in Emmerdale); best single episode: EastEnders, Christmas Day; best exit: Claire Cunningham, Hollyoaks; best newcomer: Michelle Keegan (Tina in Corrie); best storyline: John Paul and Craig’s affair, Hollyoaks. Vote for your favourites at www.british-soapawards.tv. My tip: vote Corrie’s Katherine Kelly for any category in which she is nominated – as the rough, soft and unpredictable Becky in Corrie she’s one of the best actresses in soap.

tim.teeman@thetimes.co.uk

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