Chateau Monty

Channel 4, 8.30pm

Monty’s assistant Linzie is not a country girl at heart. But she returns to France after a short break in England, determined to give rural living her best shot. “I’m not going to let Monty get the better of me,” she says, and even goes so far as to get rid of her false nails.

Unfortunately, Monty’s new chickens are a test of her resolve. She can barely bring herself to pick one up (“Oh! Its feet are warm!”). But aside from a little gentle comedy as Monty attempts to make his “biodynamic” wine business work, the main reason to watch is the chance to bask in the beauty of the Pyrenees.

The Undercover Soldier

BBC One, 9pm

There were no preview tapes available for this late addition to the schedules, which means that it is either an explosive exposé or a bit of a damp sqib. After the Deepcut scandal, the Government promised to crack down on the bullying of recruits in the Army. To test this pledge, the BBC reporter Russell Sharp went under cover as an infantry recruit and spent six months training for the front line, secretly filming the way he and his fellow rookies were treated.

Ann Widdecombe Versus Girl Gangs

ITV1, 9pm

Mercifully perhaps, there were no preview tapes for this programme either. Hardcore gangs of girls, we are told, wreak havoc on communities and intimidate members of the public. They get drunk, carry knives, commit vicious assaults and fail to vote Tory. According to the programme’s blurb: “Ann observes first hand the drunken and downright antisocial behaviour of a group of girls from Birmingham. She spends the evening with them as they trail the streets with up to 50 of their male and female pals, drinking and shouting.”

No doubt something needs to be done. But is there any problem in this country that can ever be resolved by the self-righteous indignation of Ann Widdecombe?

Cutting Edge: The Ambulance — 8 Minutes to Disaster

Channel 4, 9pm

The ever-reliable Cutting Edge strand spends a month with an ambulance crew in Reading as they respond to emergency calls. All life at its most extreme is here. One day the crew delivers a baby; the next they rush to save a man who has stopped breathing. Their working lives are blighted by so-called rubbish calls — by people who would benefit more from social services than emergency medical care, or who treat them as a taxi service.

They aim to get to an emergency within eight minutes, which includes 30 seconds to process the call and another 30 seconds to get on the road. They struggle hard not to become callous and harder still not to despise the culture of alcohol. Here is yet another reason to be profoundly grateful to the NHS.

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