Instead of being a helpful programme about learning a foreign language, Excuse My French is a drawn-out celebrity version of Faking It. The presenter Esther Rantzen, Ron Atkinson, the disgraced football pundit, and the comedian Marcus Brigstocke take an intensive language course in Provence — at the end of which, they have to try to do their day jobs in French. But two of the three already have a grounding in the language (Rantzen did it at A level), and we are told from the start that “the teachers know that to become fluent in four weeks is impossible”, so they concentrate instead on teaching core survival skills. Although it has its entertaining I’m a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out of Here! moments, it will disappoint anyone hoping for useful tips on learning a language.

Rather like a guidebook opened at random, this short documentary is a flip through the Moorish legacy in Spain. In terms of architecture, it focuses on the mosque in Cordoba with its magnificent rows of red and white arches, and the lavishly decorated fort of Alhambra in Granada.

It mentions, albeit briefly, the Moors’ contribution to medicine, mathematics, astronomy and philosophy, and their sophisticated use of irrigation. There is nothing wrong with the content of the programme, but it lacks any coherent structure to bind it together. Documentaries, as much as drama or fiction, benefit from a narrative.

SORTED
BBC One, 9pm

Written in the same vein as Clocking Off and Shameless, Danny Brocklehurst’s new drama focuses on the lives of six characters (mostly men) working for the Post Office. It has the same boisterous energy and camaraderie, the same pulsating soundtrack and the same high standard of ensemble acting. Each episode centres on a single character, although some storylines run throughout the whole series. It begins with one of the postmen (the ever-reliable Neil Dudgeon) saving the life of a woman having an asthma attack. He falls a little in love with her, increasing the pressure on a marriage of 20 years that is already rocky. But whereas Clocking Off and Shameless seemed to have lives of their own, Sorted has much more the feel of a script being performed.

Tonight is the start of a new series of CSI: Miami — the glossiest of all the CSI series, with sunshine and shades. The Mafia is trying to smuggle grenades into Florida, with the bad guys suddenly popping up in the most unexpected places and spraying innocent bystanders with Uzi machineguns. But to help the good guys, the local forensic lab has been given a costly facelift; the Swat teams are ready and willing and tooled up to the eyeballs; and the investigators have developed a crime-busting elegance, turning up at crime scenes in slow motion like a shampoo advertisement. The episode begins and ends with our hero in the confessional, so God is on their side, too. The bad guys haven’t a hope.

BEST OF THE REST . . .

LOST
Channel 4, 10pm

Fears arise that “the Others” may have returned . . .

Multichannel choice

After Ben Anderson and Simon Reeve’s travelogues from some of the world’s most troubled countries comes this new twist on the formula. Stefan Gates, a TV cook, considers himself to have pretty adventurous tastes, which is just as well — in this first epsiode he visits Afghanistan, where even kite flying has a dangerous edge. Testicle kebabs, a street vendor’s pancake (“We’ll take him to hospital later,” jokes Gates’s guide) and the legendary fat-tailed sheep are on the menu, but there is time for some serious comment too, particularly in Gates’s meetings with women.

LIVE CRICKET: PRO40 DIVISION ONE
Sky Sports 1, 4.30pm

The new league gets under way with the winners of last year’s now-defunct totesport league, Essex, taking on Northamptonshire at the County Ground in Chelmsford.

TURNER AT THE TATE
Artsworld, 8pm

This unusual documentary presents its interviews in voiceover only, leaving the screen to close-ups of the Tate’s Turner collection. It’s a bit like Radio 4 on television.

TALES FROM PARIS
BBC Four, 10.05pm

During her penultimate city break, Kirsty Wark meets the original supermodel, Inès de la Fressange, while James McConnachie hangs out with the musician Angélique Kidjo.

ROB BRYDON’S ANNUALLY RETENTIVE
BBC Three, 10.30pm

There’s something unsettling about this mock quiz show, mainly because Rob Brydon is playing himself as such a mean character — at least Garry Shandling distanced himself from his own alter- ego TV host with a change of name (Larry Sanders). Tonight Dominik Diamond suffers non-stop humiliation and David Walliams walks out after Brydon’s barbs get too much. GABRIELLE STARKEY

Daytime choice

The 21 hairpin bends to the summit of Alpe d’Huez are always a highlight of the Tour. But the 13.8km Alpe is just the finale to a brutal 187km stage that also takes in two mountain passes, the Col du Lautaret and the Col d’Izoard. ANGUS BATEY

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