Matthew Parris
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There's a risk as you read this that a wrong lesson will be being drawn from the result of tomorrow's by-election in Crewe & Nantwich. If Labour lose, after tactics involving toff-mocking campaigners in top hats, many will say this shows that in 21st-century British politics appeals to class hatred will not win votes. Already (in yesterday's Times) my colleague Daniel Finkelstein suggests that attacks on toffs, if not on rich spivs, no longer resonate.
The boundary between toffs and rich spivs is distinctly porous. Toffs are often the children or grandchildren of spivs rich enough to send them to public school. The Tory Notting Hill set are not quite toffs, anyway: Notting Hill is slightly naff, hardly toff heartland, and it's a sign of not being a toff that one doesn't mark the distinction. But leave that aside. If Labour lose this by-election the loss should not be blamed on one silly by-election gimmick that might have raised a smile for an afternoon but should never have been pounded into a campaign theme. It will lose it because Britain has fallen violently out of love with a Labour Government and its new Prime Minister. And if the Tories win, that will not be because we British no longer nurse latent class resentments, but because we're in the mood for a fling with Cameron & Co and do not seek sticks with which to beat him. Not yet.
If and when we do then - count on it - class will return as an issue. The Conservative Party would be very unwise to conclude from one dopey Labour by-election campaign that nobody notices or cares any more that the inner circle of the incoming political class went to top public schools. We do notice, and, while overlooking it for the present, we are not as a nation wholly comfortable with it. The Daily Mail, which points the way, carries no candle for toffs and never has.
Daniel is right that the British working class has no particular animus against the gentry. But the middle classes - and especially the lower middle classes (from which, by one generation removed, I come) - do. It's a mixture of envy, aspiration and resentment at the transmission of advantage by birth and education rather than work and merit. We think a lot of public school boys are twits with polish. When I encounter expensive shirts and upper-class accents I have always presumed vacuity until offered firm evidence to the contrary; though eminently rebuttable, it's a helpful rule of thumb. Slowly getting to know middling-to-lower-class people often involves the gradual discovery of how capable they are. Getting to know public-school-educated people often involves the discovery (it can take years) of how dimwitted they are.
In my view David Cameron is well on his way to rebutting that presumption; but if he and his circle think for a moment they do not need to rebut it, or to keep renewing the rebuttal year after year, they will be making a mistake. Gordon Brown is just crass and his Government doomed; but in identifying class as a potential problem for the new Tory dispensation, Labour's instincts are not so wholly adrift as, tomorrow, the pundits will be pronouncing.
Masochist: “Smack me! Smack me!”
Sadist (with slow relish): “Nooo.”
I see Stonewall, the gay campaigning group, is stirring up protest at a registrar, Lillian Ladele, whose refusal on grounds of conscience to officiate at gay civil partnerships has exposed her (she claims) to persecution by colleagues and her employers, Islington council. Stonewall insists that public servants must carry out the law. In theory this is indisputable.
In practice, I hesitate. Listen to Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, or Dr Rowan Williams, or dozens of Catholic and other MP-dissenters from the Embryology Bill in the Commons this week. Victimhood is all the rage in the “faith” community. Despite having itself persecuted minorities for centuries, the Church is now revelling in the status.
“Persecute us!” they cry.
“Nooo,” I say. Turn a blind eye to conscientious objectors. Give them a sick note. Get them out of the newspapers. They're enjoying it.
I was in Catalonia over the weekend, noticing how much less sterling now buys in the eurozone.
So has my sister, Belinda, who lives there. She told me everything has to be recalculated downward. So when some English guests had asked her the distance to the nearest village, and she started the mental arithmetic to translate between kilometres and miles, she stopped, and thought: “No! Miles must be less now; what is the new rate?” - before remembering that not every imperial measurement has been devalued.

Matthew Parris joined The Times as parliamentary sketchwriter in 1988, a role he held until 2001. He had formerly worked for the Foreign Office and been a Conservative MP from 1979-86. He has published many books on travel and politics and an autobiography, Chance Witness, for which he won the 2004 Orwell Prize. His diary appears in The Times on Thursdays, and his Opinion column on Saturdays
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Interesting that Matthew Parris seems to think it's acceptable to make instant negative assumptions about people based on their privileged backgrounds. The idea that so-called 'toffs' are dim-wits unless they prove to the contrary is the reflex attitude of a person with an inferiority complex.
Piers, Manchester,
'the inner circle of the incoming political class went to top public schools'. - so did the inner circle of the outgoing political class. The difference is, the outgoing ones seek to deny it to try and make out that they are 'of the people'.
mnairb, Hove, U.K.
The prejudice is not against toffs who have inherited their money, but against people who make money by their own efforts. Matthew Parris calls these people 'spivs', in a long and dirty tradition of the privileged liberal intelligentsia.
Frank Upton, Solihull,
we can all help Toby from Surbiton, you are the last Labour voter in Surbiton and supporting a government that has been out classed in all areas! Unlikely ever to see a Labour MP in Kingston and Surbiton in our lifetime, although if the next election rid us of Ed Davey that would be most welcome!
Richard de Gerber, Kingston upon Thames, UK
About your last point: done that too. Phew! I thought it was just me.
Marion, Newmarket, UK
I'm pleased to see Matthew Parris revive the use of the term 'spiv'. However, I wonder what proportion of the U.K. population actually knows what a spiv is ?
My backround is that of generations of aspirational working class trade union leaders and activists. Does this mean I'm a New labour toff ?
Dr. Jimmy, Nottingham, England
Look at the Gov front bench.Apart from the postman none have lived in the real world.Do we choose those sheltered by education or Westminster?As an ex miner I never thought i'd vote Tory but as someone who has nothing to fear I object to being spied on by a bunch of marxists.Things will get worse.
JohnP, Newcastle, UK
The first thing Cameroon has said he will do is repeal the fox hunt "ban" - such as it is. Er, who will be the beneficiary of this move backwards in a so called compassionate & civilised society. Answers on a post card, please. Tally Ho!!
Roger Southall, Wolverhampton,
Matthew, it is telling that you feel it necessary to define your class (and even sub-class: lower middle class, one generation removed). That is so dreadfully British. Curious that this is acceptable but not to state the obvious: you are white and of ancient British stock. That would be racist!
Adrian Gilbert, Tonbridge,
"Class" (as in upper-, lower-, middle-) is an accident of birth.
Just the same, in fact, as race.
Therefore those who judge a person merely on his "class" are no better than those who judge a person on his ethnic origin or the colour of his skin.
End of.
Jon Leigh, Safely out of it in rural, France
I suspect that the gap in oppurtunity between those condemned to sink comps and those at good grammar schools is far greater than that between the latter and Eton 'Toffs'. The comprehensive system has retarded the collapse of the class system. It was supposed to.
Eric Skelton, Cardiff, Wales
At university, this ex comprehensive school pupil found that the major difference between those like me and the so called toffs was that they were terribly good in the exam room having been coached in it for years. In every other respect there was no difference whatsoever.
Paul Owen, Birmingham, UK
I see that you are able to identify that you're "lower middle class" one generation removed. I know I'm not a Toff, but can you help me identify my class too?
If I tell you that I attended a good school and a company director, does that help?
What if I also tell you that I'll always vote Labour?
Toby, Surbiton, UK
As a grammar school boy, I found that publis school boys were better than us at cricket!
David Vinter, Louth, Lincs., UK.