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The Old Testament
1 In the Beginning (Genesis 1–2)
The one where God invented the Earth
2 The Garden of Eden (Genesis 2–3)
Adam and Eve failed to resist temptation and ate the forbidden fruit
3 The Great Flood (Genesis 6–9)
It rained
4 God’s Promise (Genesis 12, 15, 18, 21)
In an act of rapprochement, God gave Abraham a brand new nation to look after
5 Jacob and Esau (Genesis 25, 27, 32–33)
We learn that being nice to your twin brother will work out well for everyone
6 Joseph and His Coat (Genesis 37, 39–40)
Joseph gets the best jacket but ends up in an Egyptian jail (also one of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s favourite tales)
7 Joseph and the Famine (Genesis 41–46)
Released from prison, Joseph goes undercover to see his jealous brothers who had sent him away to Egypt in the first place. The brothers were sorry about what they had done
8 Slaves in Egypt (Exodus 1–2)
Moses, an ethnic minority, was put in a basket and pushed down the river to escape murder or slavery. He was found by a beautiful Egyptian princess who decided to raise the Israelite child as her own
9 The Burning Bush (Exodus 2–4)
A bush, which was on fire, told Moses to convince the Egyptian ruler that he should release the enslaved Israelites
10 Out of Egypt (Exodus 7–14)
Moses struggled to convince the Pharaoh that the bush had been speaking on behalf of God, so He proved it by sending a variety of plagues.
Moses tried to lead the Israelites out of Egypt but was trapped until he parted the Red Sea and they strolled to safety
11 Ten Commandments (Exodus 16–17, 19–20, 22–26)
God carved his top ten rules into stone and gave them to Moses on Mount Sinai
12 The Walls of Jericho (Numbers 27; Joshua 1–2, 6)
Not just the name of a WWE wrestler, the walls in question crumbled when a holy army marched around them thereby returning the city of Jericho to the People
13 Achan’s Crime (Joshua 7)
Achan stole a cloak rendering the Israelites enfeebled because as they had upset God
14 The Story of Ruth (Ruth 1–4)
Terrible famine hits Israel
15 The Boy Samuel (1 Samuel 1–3)
Samuel grows up to choose the first kings of Israel
16 David and Goliath (1 Samuel 17–18)
David was smaller than Goliath but far more wily
17 Wise King Solomon (1 Kings 3)
By threatening to murder a child, Solomon uncovered its true mother
18 Fire from Heaven (1 Kings 18)
God proved his existence by setting fire to damp logs
19 Naaman the Proud (2 Kings 5)
He was less than proud of his unsightly skin disease until God cured it
20 Jerusalem at War (2 Kings 18–19; 2 Chronicles 32)
One of God’s heavenly messengers attacked the enemy camp
21 Good King Josiah (2 Kings 22–23; 2 Chronicles 34–35)
Josiah was an excellent king
22 Jonah and the Fish (Jonah 1–4)
Jonah lived inside the giant fish for three days until God made it cough him up on the beach
23 The Fiery Furnace (Daniel 1–3)
Nebuchadnezzar’s hottest of hot flames could not burn three men because of their loyalty to God
24 Daniel and the Lions (Daniel 6)
Daniel was thrown to the lions for praying to God, but he survived
25 Rebuilding God’s City (Nehemiah 1, 2, 4, 12 & 43)
Jerusalem was rebuilt and dedicated to God
The New Testament
26 Elizabeth and Mary (Luke 1)
The Angel Gabriel told Elizabeth and Mary that they would have unexpected babies
27 Jesus is Born (Matthew 1; Luke 2)
The inns were full so Jesus was born in a stable
28 Wise Men from Afar (Matthew 2)
Sumptuous gifts mark the birth of the baby shower
29 The Boy Jesus (Matthew 2; Luke 2)
The child went missing only to be found at the local temple
30 Jesus is Baptized (Luke 1, 3–4; Matthew 3)
John the Baptist did the honours
31 Followers of Jesus (Luke 5; Matthew 9–10)
Jesus went preaching on the shores of Lake Galilee
32 Jesus the Teacher (Matthew 5–7)
He insisted that he was not trying to replace the Commandments handed down to Moses
33 The Hole in the Roof (Luke 5)
A paralysed man got up and walked after Jesus’s healing words
34 The Sower (Luke 8)
Seeds are like God’s word: not all of them have the intended impact
35 The Storm on the Lake (Mark 4)
Jesus quelled a storm before it damaged his boat
36 The Little Girl (Luke 8)
The Son of God brought a dead girl back to life
37 Loaves and Fishes (Luke 9)
Jesus learnt to slice very thinly
38 The Good Samaritan (Luke 10)
A gentleman from Samaria was very kind indeed
39 The Great Feast (Luke 14)
A king invited paupers and vagrants to share his feast
40 The Lost Son (Luke 15)
A child’s greed got him into trouble
41 God’s Kingdom (Luke 18)
Jesus explained how God loves ordinary people most, not those who believe their wealth or religious devotion makes them better than others
42 Jesus and Zacchaeus (Luke 19)
Jesus met a tax-collector sitting in a sycamore tree and by embracing him, caused him to open himself to God
43 Riding to Jerusalem (Matthew 21; Luke 19)
Jesus cleared a Jerusalem temple full of traders and money-changers to let in ordinary people
44 The Last Supper (Matthew 26; Luke 22)
Judas betrays Jesus to his enemies
45 The Crucifixion (Matthew 27; Luke 22–23; John 19)
Jesus was captured by his enemies and crucified
46 The Empty Tomb (Luke 23–24; Mark 15–16)
Judas hanged himself, while Jesus' body was placed in a tomb and soon disappeared
47 The Road to Emmaus (Luke 24)
Jesus appeared to his followers and showed them his stigmata, before disappearing
48 God’s Holy Spirit (Acts 1–2)
The spirit of God fills pilgrims in Jerusalem and makes them understand all languages - the conversions then begn
49 Stephen’s Faith (Acts 6–8)
Stephen’s devotion to Jesus got him into trouble and he was pelted to death with rocks
50 Telling the News (Acts 9; 1 John 4)
Paul’s eyesight was restored on the road to Damascus so he began to spread Jesus’ story
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Well done Andrew, Manchester. I expect you feel so much better having got that off your chest. It never takes long for some unhappy person to bring their twopennyworth of ignorance to these boards does it?
alan, abingdon,
It has to be No 27 Jesus is Born. A humble beginning, a life full of miracles and good deeds, that ended so brutally. However, his birth was full of magic and hope and that is how everyone's Christmas should always be. For me, it brings back happy memories of being an angel in a Nativity play.
Claire, Hildenborough, Kent, United Kingdom
Yeah, the bible is great when you cut out all the mental bits where God kills people for petty reasons and at random.
Andrew, Manchester, UK