Wednesday, midday

“You’re not going to get any Botox done, are you?” my husband, Rupert, asks as I leave the house this morning. He knows I am going to HB Health; he is already suspicious. I have not yet made the final leap from noninvasive to invasive treatments, but if I’m honest, I don’t think I can resist the temptation any longer.

“No, of course not,” I reassure him as I kiss him goodbye. I think I meant it at that moment, but the closer I get to Beauchamp Place, the less sure I am.

It is a bright, cold, winter’s day. Nurse Brenda sits opposite me in a white leather chair. “We have to decide whether this is the right treatment for you,” she says. “What disturbs you the most?”

“This.” I point at the wrinkle. “This vast wrinkle between my eyebrows. As well as my whole forehead, the line down the side of my face, the myriad lines around my eyes, the lines just starting to form above my lips. In fact, my lips are horrible, far too small. Shall I go on?”

Brenda is a delicate lady of Asian descent and totally wrinkle-free. She could be aged anywhere between 25 and 40 – I have no idea – but it’s a look I am keen to emulate. Brenda came to England in 1993 and has been working in antiageing treatments ever since. She was one of the first nurses in the UK to practise Botox, so she has been doing it for more than nine years. Some say that the treatment can make you look frozen, but Brenda says that this is not the fault of the Botox, rather the person who has administered it. According to various websites, the possible side effects include headaches, flu-like symptoms, temporary eyelid droop, nausea, double vision, facial pain, redness at the injection site and muscle weakness. So, at worst, I will be a vomiting, sneezing lunatic. But at least I’ll be wrinkle-free.

Brenda asks me to frown, then smile. “The lines you have could be treated with botulinum toxin,” she says. I feel my heart skip a beat, like a teenager hearing the name of her secret boyfriend. “You mentioned something about your lips?”

“I hate them – they’re too thin. But I don’t want a trout pout.” “I think you should do the upper face with Botox, then have filler to lift the corners of your mouth. That way, you keep the cost down as well,” she says.

Ah yes, the cost. Staying young doesn’t come cheap. If I’d known, I would have avoided laughing all my life; now, I can just be miserable paying for it. The fillers are £250 each and the Botox injections £200 each.

“But, you know, there is no point in just coming in and having a one-off treatment,” says Brenda. “This is a work in progress, and you have to maintain your Botox to get the best out of it.”

I sit there thinking for a few minutes. The downside could be any of the side effects I mentioned earlier, along with a very grumpy husband. The upside will be a wrinkle-free me. “Let’s do the Botox and the fillers to lift the mouth, but not the lips,” I say to Brenda.

Wednesday, 12.30pm, on the couch

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