The affluent nonentity Paris Hilton has been sentenced to 45 days in prison for driving offences – and also, maybe, for having the same name as a hotel and thus influencing thousands of thick chav parents to call their offspring Droitwich Radisson or Eaglescliffe Holiday Inn.

There were plenty of motoring transgressions for which the LA court could have had the woman banged up – not all of them, it has to be said, illegal in the strict sense. Driving a car while in possession of a bowl of oxtail soup between the ears, for example. Driving a car while wearing a profoundly irritating expression midway between arrogance and superciliousness. Driving a car after having wilfully met – and liked – a whole bunch of similarly annoying celebrities, including Lindsay Lohan. Alighting from a car and thrusting no fewer than two apparently acrylic breasts in the direction of 356 press photographers, all of them shouting “Over here, Paris, love!”, while wearing a profoundly irritating expression midway between arrogance and superciliousness.

The court decided instead to go for driving a car while pissed and not having a valid driving licence. But you suspect, given the severity of the sentence, those other offences were taken into consideration.

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