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This is categorically not a piece about the economy. But brace yourselves anyway, because long dresses appear to be edging their way back into some kind of fashion contention. And that means that before long there will be endless articles predicting yet more financial meltdown on the basis that Kate Moss wore something that grazed her ankles at Leah Wood's wedding to Jack Macdonald the other day.
Granted, Moss is better known for wearing hems that are closer to grazing her kidneys than bothering with anything lower down her frame, but fashion is a demanding mistress and she must be obeyed.
The long dress is completely different from this summer's sleeper hit, the maxi, by the way, even though their fate, one cannot help suspecting, is irreducibly intertwined. The maxi is a voluminous, floaty hippy-dippy meets Wag on a gin palace confection, probably wrought from some kind of fabric that looks as though it has been set upon by a pack of children with squirty paint guns (could be horribly close to the truth as we've discovered these past few months), sat on by a caravan of camels and then left to dry on a rock for several years. Ethnicity, with Jimmy Choo sandals thrown in, is key.
The long dress, on the other hand, is not ethnic, unless you count English Rose as ethnic, which I suppose you may. Be that as it may, the long dress is neither hippy nor dippy, although it might be worn with an heroically large pair of ethnic earrings. It might be a bit vintage-looking, or it could be a bit Versace. But either way it's an evening dress by any other name, except that for years now we've all been wearing short cocktail dresses in the evening, on the assumption that only Swedish royalty and Oscar nominees still wear long.
Still, the law of fashionomics have been working their magic. While we were all guiltily wasting our time flicking through the pages of OK! and Grazia, ogling the likes of Coleen, Angelina et al endlessly cavorting in their maxis, it turns out that we weren't wasting time at all. What we were doing is Getting Our Eye In.
That means that far from thinking “Oh God, not another Monstrous Frump Tent. Where in God's name are her legs?”, when we see maxis now, we are more likely to contemplate how effectively and gracefully the maxi adds the illusion of some much-needed lankiness to even a Conference pear shape and the squattest of legs, particularly if its waist starts at the bust. We may also, if we are feeling particularly sharp of mind, silently note that the long dress saves an enormous amount of upkeep in the leg department, being very tolerant of limbs in need of a wax/bronze.
Where the maxi dress blazed a trail, the long dress now floats along in reflected glory. Far from looking stiff and formal, the long dresses that guests wore at the Wood-Macdonald wedding looked fresh and uncontrived. Suddenly, asking friends if they are going long or short for an event sounds like a sensible question rather than satire. After years of being force fed acres of over-bronzed, over-plucked, overexposed, punishingly high-maintenance flesh, covering up looks neither oppressive nor puritanical, but chic and - paradoxically - simple.
Inevitably, there are a few tricks to making it all look effortless. Pale colours are fine, but not sickly pastels. Dirty pinks, faded greens or a retro print are the ideal. The right kind of cover-up is another trigger to achieving the desired effect - nothing too bulky, or too coat-like. A vintagey lacy cardigan is a sweet option, but a velvet wrap or a pashmina works too. Outsize shoulder bags are hopeless - this is a look made for clutches, or something antique on a chain. Hair should be simple and uncontrived - a loose ponytail or chignon would work well, the better to show off those big dangly earrings. Shoes don't have to be clumpy or aggressive-looking, although a platform keeps the look from being too early-Nineties.
The sum total is a laid-back sweetness - as far from the trussed-up images from Ascot to Girls Aloud that we've been bombarded with. It's a pretty appealing combination. But perhaps the real reason that maxis and long dresses are turning out to be the sleeper hits of the summer is that the summer is proving a bit of a sleeper too.
The essential Yves
At any one time, fewer than five labels are truly sought-after by the fashion pack. Yves Saint Laurent is one of them, and Lanvin and Balenciaga, all horribly expensive - unless you're a crafty shopper. Balenciaga has its Knits and Silk ranges, which offer great fashion pieces for between £200 and £500. And YSL has its Editions 24, a tightly edited line of quintessential pieces - 24 of them, fancy that - including the safari suit, the jacket and the tribal print kaftan shirt. All are designed to work together and cost two thirds of the price of the mainline collection. Shown in the carousel above: skirt £345; jacket £540; boots £595 - not cheap, but this is investment dressing. From YSL Sloane Street and Bond Street, and Dover Street Market (020-7493 8100).
Top of the flips
Who knows whether FitFlops really banish cellulite, tone muscles and vanquish postural problems? We are in the realms of autosuggestion, psychology and maybe desperation here. What we do know is that they are very comfortable, and FitFlops are now so fashion that you can buy them on net-a-porter. Or you could until net-a-porter sold out. That's how fashion they are. The gladiator is £90 to £100 at net-a-porter.com from mid-July; other styles are £36 from Bliss (0870 4608798).
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Stop keeping trying to foist a fashion flop on us! We know that very few people have worn maxis - no-one wants to look like a peg in a tent - I live in London and I have seen very few maxi dresses on the streets. These fashion writers are just trying to help their mates by foisting this look on us
susannah, London, London