Are you going to a wedding this week-end? Nearly half the happy couples you
see walking down the aisle will divorce before they reach their 10th wedding
anniversary.
One in ten of the marriages will not make it past five years and 45 per cent
will, ultimately, end in divorce, if the current rate of breakdowns continue.
The United Kingdom now has the highest rate of divorce since records began,
with the rate rising from 37 per cent two decades ago to a new high of 45
per cent in 2005, according to figures released from the Office of National
Statistics.
The latest divorce predictions come a day after the ONS published figures
showing that the proportion of men and women in England and Wales choosing
to marry was at the lowest level since the figure was first calculated in
1862.
Churches and organisations supporting marriage yesterday called for couples to
be given much more preparation before marrying, but admitted that this is
increasingly difficult with the decline of religious services in fa-vour of
civil ceremonies.
A spokesman for the Church of England said: “Projections are dangerous things
but these are worrying figures”.
He added: “The church sees marriage as a good thing. It recommends marriage to
couples as something that can help them to grow together in God’s love. But
it also offers good preparation and support through the marriage. Often
today this kind of preparation and support is lacking.”
The latest figures show that the proportion of marriages in England and Wales
ending in divorce by the 50th anniversary has risen from 34 per cent in
1979-80 to 45 per cent in 2005.
The good news is that if a couple manage to stay married for ten years the
survival rates improve. At 20 years, only 15 per cent will end up in divorce
and beyond the 25 year mark – the Silver Wedding – just a few will end in
the divorce courts.
“Divorce rates in 2005 suggest that approximately forty five per cent of
marriages will end in divorce,” the ONS said in its Spring Population Trends
bulletin.
It added that if divorce and mortality rates remain unchanged from 2005, ten
per cent of those marrying now will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary
with 45 per cent of marriages ending due to divorce and 45 per cent due to
the death of one partner.
Couples who marry young and those who remarry have a higher proportion of
their marriages ending in divorce, the ONS said.
Terry Prendergast, of Marriage Care, said the figures indicated that a lot of
people were failing to prepare properly for marriage or entered into
marriage with an unrealistic perspective.
He said that people marrying in the Roman Catholic Church had to undergo
preparation, but there was no similar system for those who choose a civil
ceremony.
“One of the difficulties with marriage is that it is often a dynamic and
troubling relationship. Couples are driven on by the intense emotional drive
of their coming together but have not thought about how they are going to
live together or what it means to be in a long term relationship,” Mr
Prendergast said.
He also highlighted the unrealistic expectations portrayed in Hollywood films
of people living happily every after. “Couples need to be helped to manage
their marriages and negotiate their way through difficulties,” he said.
Mr Prendergast said that Marriage Care, a relationship counselling
organisation drawn from the Roman Catholic community, frequently saw people
who thought that their marriage problems were terminal but after discussion
realised that with give and take it was viable.
Claire Tyler, Chief Executive of Relate said: “Divorce is clearly a reality
for many people today and these figures bring into sharp focus not only the
number of adults coping with relationship breakdown, but also the children
affected by divorce.
“More must be done to help fragile relationships survive. Firstly we need to
see earlier intervention for couples hitting problems in their relationship
so that they are able to access help before they reach crisis stage.
Secondly, we need to do more to help children learn about healthy
relationships within schools.”
Yesterday’s figures also show that 22 per cent of 146,956 births in England
and Wales in 2006 were to mothers born outside of England and Wales – the
highest proportion since the collection of information on parents’ country
of birth began in 1969.
The ONS figures also showed that 69 per cent of the projected UK population
rise of 10.5 million between 2006-2031 will be driven directly or indirectly
by migration. Forty seven per cent or 4.9 million of the increase will be a
result of net migration into Britain with the remainder being the result of
births to new migrants.
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shemale yum, London, GB
It has always been the prerogative of the female to be cautious, to think things over before marriage. Now the roles are reversed - males need to take into account finance, pensions, property, children, legal implications etc. - all of which is seen by women as a 'lack of commitment'.
Howard, Manchester,
Charlie, Munich - We have comment from the church as 'marriage' is seen as a traditional institution stemming from Christianity. Secularisation is also seen as another factor of marital breakdown, and clearly the church wants society to value marriage through 'God's love' and not through the false premise of a 'happy ever after' as preached by 'Hollywood'.
Jen, Manchester, UK
Women initiate most divorces, a sign of the times I'm afraid, the result of the current empowerment of females. You see it in the media all the time. The obsession in society with selfish thinking always puts 'me' first.
Gone are the days when children are foremost, family is foremost. Dysfunctional family life is becoming the norm. It is not a good thing.
I see a society built on selfishness, supported by debt with little moral base. Decadence.
How I wish I had left this country long ago. It seems I must stay and watch Rome burn.
This country is led by people with no moral vision, presiding over a nation that is slowly/fast becoming anything but 'Great Britain.'
cpowell, Soke on Trent, Staffs
In total agreement with Kenneth on the value of the Church in preparing people for marriage, but also slightly perplexed. Only a couple of days ago the BBC were reporting that divorce rates had fallen substantially. Surely there could have been a positive spin on this article?
Meg, Pembs,
Why the prejudice against the church? Surely the church has a voice here given that a large number of people still want to be married by the church! Who else offers any comparable marriage preparation courses? Of course the church has glaring weaknesses - which the media often highlight - but it also does a vast amount of unpublicised, high quality work with people preparing to be married, having difficulty in marriage and going through divorce.
Kenneth, Porlock,
Bear in mind, marriage originated at a time when women wer married off at the ripe old age of 12, and the average life expectancy was about 35. Chastity was encouraged until marriage to reduce the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and enforce the power of religious institutions. So you could expect a marriage to last 20 years or so. Now with a life span of 80+, someone marrying at 20 will have to put up with thier partners foibles. moods and idoisyncracies for THREE times the amount of time. It's no wonder the divorce rate is climbing. The excitement of youth quickly gives way to the dullness of daily routine, and eventually the boredom of being with the same person day after day.
Ron, Milton Keynes, Bucks
Reluctance to marriage not only soldifies the main earner's (or the richer partner) financial assets, it also keeps their relationship away from the legal system - and hence away from the greedy hands of lawyers.
Howard, Manchester,
Why do we have to have a comment from the church?
Charlie, Munich,
It just echoes the rest of society. Everyone thinks they have the right to get what they want and get it now no matter what. That goes with relationships as well, when someone 'better' comes along, there goes the current relationship for what looks to be like a more inspiring/heated/passionate one because the last one has hit some problems. No one is taught to commit or to work for something. If you want it now, just use a credit card or a loan. If you want someone else, just divorce your wife.
Society doesn't care for the sanctity of sex or marriage and wedding cermonies are just a way to show how much money you have (cue OK and other magazines).
People say religion is dangerous but when what WAS a Christian country is increasingly rejecting God, is it just coincidence that violence, anger, hatred etc. is on the increase? Or is religion dangerous because it means you have to have self control? Things may be permissable, but divorce, extra-committal sex etc. is never beneficial
Phil, Guildford,
Statistics can be tricky things to interpret. The report from the Office of National Statistics does, indeed, say that nearly half (45 per cent) of marriages will end in divorce. But it then goes on to say (my emphasis added in CAPS) 'almost half of THESE divorces will occur before couples reach their tenth anniversary'. So, according to my interpretation, it's going to be 'only' around 20 per cent of marriages that don't make it to the 10th anniversary. Not quite so dramatic.
Jon Cousins, Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
The reason there are so many divorces is because people can. That's all. People used to be stuck in a loveless marriage, now they don't have to be anymore.
M.R., Stockport,
"Does it make sense to marry a woman if you know that she and her lover will elope with half of your money?"
If you take your ex hubby to court, perhaps. But some women don't want to do that to their kids and end up with zilch, zip, nothing whatsoever.
M.R., Stockport,
I found the preparation for marriage provided by the Catholic church utterly hopeless. It was simply used as an opportunity to restate the old dogmas about sex and the traditional role of women and was completely irrelevant to lives of modern, working couples.
Chris, Dorking, Surrey,
My ex husband has the house I paid for. Purely because I didn't want to go to court, since that would upset my son even further. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, men.
M.R., Stockport,
After the Mills McCartney fiasco last week and the fact that half of marriages will end in divorce then who in their right mind would ever want to get married?
It has been very amusing to see the Tories blame the current state of the instituion of marriage on the Labour party, the tax system, feminism, civil partnerships or gay rights when the real culprit is the very real, but under reported, phenomenon of marriage strike.
I will, therefore, ask the question again - who in their right mind will ever want to get married and why are the Tories determined to flog this dead horse?
Jason Mead, Bristol, England
These alarming figures underline the necessity for agreements regulating marital finances, e.g. pre-nuptial, post-nuptial and separation agreements, which are now on the increase thanks to emerging case law giving them legal recognition, subject to various safeguards.
Mark Andrew LL.B (Hons.)
Agreements.co.uk
Mark Andrew LL.B (Hons.), Soho, London
Does it make sense to marry a woman if you know that she and her lover will elope with half of your money?
Change the law to be more balanced between the two sides instead of using legal violence towards the most noble feeling on earth, the Love.
Neile, Avon,
These figures show that the decision taken by many couples to marry, often taken under excessive social pressure, was the wrong one. Fortunately the influence of the Church in our society is in decline, and couples are now more inclined to consider the merits and demerits of marriage without regard to anachronistic and potentially harmful beliefs.
Des, Edinburgh,
Given that 70% of divorces are initiated by women and that the law has recently been changed to allow for no reason whatsoever to be cited for divorce, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going on. Clearly, from the lowest marriage figures ever, most men are aware that marriage is highly undesirable.
Edward, London,
There are many issues affecting relationships and whether long term relationships are viable. Todays social environment no longer stops at the edge of the county, but has become a global dating pool. With travel abroad accessible to most, online dating, increased migration, there are many more considerations in trying to make a relationship work. Also only hinted at are issues of governmental origin, such as legislation and social engineering. Increased divorce rates are attributed to legislative changes in 1979 which made divorce for women, more accessible. This trend was reiterated around the world. But little debate has been aired about the recent changes in legislation surrounding, financial equality, property ownership, custody vs shared parenting issues. Whilst financial equality can be written into property division laws with the flick of a pen, attitudes are much slower to change. Maybe they won't...marriage seems less popular after all.
Caroline, Auckland, New Zealand